


Found

by bigboobedcanuck



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Character Death Fix, Father-Son Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Injury, M/M, Medical Trauma, Not Really Character Death, Psychological Trauma, Rimming, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-21
Updated: 2010-11-18
Packaged: 2017-12-25 08:15:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigboobedcanuck/pseuds/bigboobedcanuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Importing my old fic from LJ. 
> 
> This is the first chapter of my fix-it fic. It begins four months after Reid's death and will require some suspension of disbelief, but far more ridiculous things have happened in Oakdale over the years. Death is often a temporary condition on soap operas (just ask roundhouse king Dusty Donovan), so this is my new canon. It begins with Luke in a very bad place, but I promise it'll be okay.

The moment of grace between the time Luke crawls back to consciousness and when he remembers can be as long as four or five seconds. The wooden beams that arch high above his too-big bed stand sentry as Luke blinks and focuses, and in these moments, there is possibility.

Then reality comes again, and he knows why he’s not waking at the farm, stirred by roosters or the sound of laughter and a chorus of voices. Or at his parents’ house, Ethan jumping on his bed with boundless energy, begging him to get up and play.

Other mornings — or afternoons, more often than not — he knows before he opens his eyes, the long fingers of grief in his chest clenching into a fist as the vestiges of dreams fade.

They say people learn and grow from tragedy. Become stronger.

What Reid’s death teaches Luke is how to perform. He smiles. He laughs at appropriate moments. He feigns interest in a variety of subjects. He knows his audience, and the show they want to see.

He pretends only Reid’s heart was taken.

*

The world is white.

Snow drifts over the veranda, which wraps around two sides of the house. The real estate agent, a plump, middle-aged redhead named Betty, had waxed poetic about the view of the lake as she’d driven Luke out to see the property in November. Betty exclaimed several times that the water is only “steps” from the house.

Luke hasn’t ventured down to the dock, but he estimates the number of steps to be about seventy. The lake is an unbroken sheet of snow, several feet deep over the ice below. From where Luke stands by the wall of glass that forms the lake side of the house, he can’t even see animal tracks.

There is certainly no evidence of humans. The houses on Lake Simon are almost all empty now in the depths of January. During the holidays, Luke had spotted a light across the water, but for weeks now there has been only darkness. The glow of the waxing moon on the fresh snow exposes the barren branches of the forest surrounding the lake, although the evergreens remain impenetrable.

As Luke finishes the last of the vodka in his glass, his cell phone rings from the bedside table. With effort, he makes it over before the call goes to voicemail, and he croaks out a greeting.

“Hi, sweetheart. Are you feeling okay? It sounds like you have a cold.”

Luke clears his throat. He hasn’t spoken in days. “Hi, Mom. No, I’m fine. Sorry, my mouth was full.”

“I’ve been trying to get through for hours. You need to get a landline. There’s so much snow! We’re worried about you all alone out there. Are you sure you have enough food?”

“Don’t worry, Mom. I’m fine. Plenty of food.” It’s the truth. Grandma Emma had stocked the cupboards and freezer and Luke would have enough food to last all winter, even if he was eating regularly.

“How’s the writing going?”

“Good.” Luke’s laptop sits on a carved mahogany desk in the study downstairs, blanketed by a layer of dust. “It’s really coming along. Everything’s good.”

Lily sighs. “Honey, you just don’t seem yourself. We know how much you miss him, but…”

“Mom, I’ve wanted to write a book since I was a kid. The foundation’s doing great and they don’t need me in the office. This is the perfect time to write. You said so yourself.”

“I know. As long as you’re okay out there.”

“I am.” He squeezes out a chuckle. “You worry too much, Mom.”

“That’s my job, Luke. Oh, before I forget, Bob said he’s been trying to reach you. Something about the new wing. He’s been very involved in it all. I think it’s driving Kim a little crazy,” she laughs.

“Mom? Are you still there?”

Before she can reply, he snaps the phone shut. The reception at the lake is spotty, a convenience when Luke wants to end a conversation, which is often. He sits on his bed and places the phone back on the side table before carefully opening the drawer. Inside, the carved chess piece rests in the center, Reid’s stethoscope looping around it.

_We know how much you miss him._

Feet bare on the cold wooden floor, he refills his glass and returns to the window.

*

Luke rarely sets an alarm, and today he slouches out of bed after three p.m. The winter sun is already in the west, although it’s barely visible through a barricade of grey bearing down. He leans against the window and listens to the wind whistling. His room is huge, taking up half of the top floor. The interior decorator had chosen the king-sized bed, side table and a matching chest of drawers. She’d wanted to cover the floor with rugs and buy more things to fill the space, but Luke likes the echoes.

In the adjoining bathroom, his hands shake as he opens the cap on the first bottle. This routine is years old and he could do it in his sleep. Once the four sets of pills are lined up on the counter, Luke reaches for the glass he keeps by the sink.

It’s pale blue and has a faded and worn pattern circling its middle that once depicted yellow fish. For some reason — he doesn’t know why — it was his favourite glass to use at the farm. It had long ago been part of a set, but only one remained, and everyone knew it was Luke’s.

After the transplant, Emma brought it to him in the hospital, wrapped in tissue. Luke has used it every day since. But today, it slips from his grasp, cracking against the porcelain. It rolls to a stop in the bottom of the sink, a diagonal fissure marring it, tiny chips missing from the rim.

His medicine waits.

He watches as his hand reaches for the first two pills. Luke holds them between his fingers as he has countless times before. But today, he takes a step and extends his arm over the toilet. The capsules drop in with a tiny splash. Barely a ripple. The others follow, and then with a simple movement, they disappear in a rush of water.

Using care not to break it completely, Luke lifts the glass from the sink and puts it back in its place.

*

The new ritual is the same every day. Line up the pills in their order on the counter, and then flush them away.

One afternoon, Luke’s barely out of the bathroom when he hears the knocking from downstairs. He fumbles out of his sweatpants and t-shirt into jeans and a sweater, and runs a comb through his greasy hair. He tries to call out that he’s coming, but his throat is too dry.

His mother's purse is open, and she's digging out the set of keys they’d insisted on having when Luke opens the door. His parents regard him with matching expressions of concern that are almost comical. “You haven’t answered your phone in three days!” Lily exclaims as she folds Luke into her embrace, warm amid the blast of frigid air. Luke breathes her in, allowing himself the luxury.

“You had us worried, kiddo.” Holden claps Luke on the shoulder and shuts the door behind them. Snow has blown inside from the drifts on the veranda, and there will be puddles on the wood later. Luke hasn’t gone outside in weeks.

“Luke?” Lily peers at him closely.

Luke’s lips curve up into the smile that will reassure her. “Mom, I told you reception out there isn’t the best. I’m fine.”

“Which is why you need a landline.”

“I know, I’m sorry. But the phone company said something’s wrong with the line and there’s too much snow right now. They’ll have to wait ’till spring to fix it.”

Luke has no intention of restoring service to the phone line, which he assumes is in working order. The designer had placed an antique phone on a table near the fireplace in the living room. It was beautiful — the black handle looked carved from ebony and the white dial was immaculate. Luke had carefully wrapped its cord around it and placed it in a closet.

“Have you had lunch? You look so thin.” Lily doesn’t wait for a reply and disappears towards the large kitchen after yanking off her boots and hanging her coat on one of the hooks along the wall. Holden smiles at Luke, shaking his head fondly as Lily takes over.

Holden sets about starting a fire. The stack of wood he’d brought in on his last visit after Christmas waits in a neat pile in the box by the fireplace, untouched. If he realizes that no one else uses the fireplace, he doesn’t mention it.

Luke rests in one of the wing chairs that flank the stone hearth, watching his father twist a faded piece of newspaper to light the fire. Luke hasn’t had a drink yet today, and he folds his hands together in his lap to hide the tremors.

For the first month or so after the accident, he’d thrown himself into the hospital and plans for the new wing. It felt good to be doing something, and he focused his energy and rage and passion. Reid would not be forgotten. Luke was determined.

He had a mission.

Then the plans were made, and construction began. His calendar was no longer filled with meetings and purpose. He learned that people, despite their best intentions, tire of grief that isn’t theirs. Luke told himself they were right — it was time to move on. Yet the pain only grew stronger, the hollowness extending ever deeper, taking over, powering its way into every cell.

As Holden concentrates on his task, Luke mutters an excuse and quickly escapes upstairs to have a few sips. He keeps his bottles in a neat line at the very back of his walk-in closet, behind rows of sneakers and dress shoes and even a pair of cowboy boots Holden bought him years ago.

As he reaches past the worn leather, a memory surges to life, of a place filled with boots and hats and sawdust on the floor. A place with a mechanical bull. With laughter, and Reid’s self-satisfied smile. It sears, and Luke can’t unscrew the bottle and gulp fast enough.

“Son?” Holden calls up the stairs.

Luke tries to keep his parents on the main floor when they visit, and he hurries down to take his seat again. “Sorry, had a thought about a scene and I needed to jot it down. I’ve been lost in my writing lately.”

He really had planned to write. The foundation needs his money, not his presence, and Luke has left it in capable hands. Grimaldi Shipping carries on its business as ever, and he doesn’t care to know anything about it. His profits go directly into the endowment his grandmother founded in Reid’s memory. So Luke had decided his new mission would be a book. He bought the house with one of his millions, and stared at a blank screen.

Holden regards him with his usual stoicism as the blaze sparks to life. “Glad to hear the book’s coming along. We know how hard all of this has been for you.”

_But you need to get over it._

_You didn’t really know him that well; you were only together a few months._

_It’s time to go on with your life._

_Reid would want you to be happy._

He hears everything Holden leaves unspoken. Noah’s voice rings loudly in Luke's mind in these moments, but few others.

...  
 _Luke smiles on cue and listens to Noah’s tales of adventure in Los Angeles. There is something strangely comforting about it, hearing Noah talk all about himself. Luke remembers the previous Christmas at the farm, and how much Noah hated him. A year later, everything — and nothing — has changed._

_He walks to the barn to breathe, and escape carol singing or being force fed another piece of the Yule log. Noah follows._

_“I heard you bought a house out in the middle of nowhere.”_

_Luke picks up a strand of hay and wraps it around his index finger, cutting off the circulation. “I’m writing again. It’s nice and quiet out there.” He unravels the hay and starts anew, watching the tip of his finger turn bright red._

_“Maybe I can visit. I’ll show you the dailies for my movie. It looks amazing!”_

_“Sure. Next time, when I’m not working on the book.” Luke plucks another piece of hay from a bale and starts on his next finger._

_“I’m not flying back for a few days. I could come to—”_

_“Next time.”_

_Noah grasps Luke’s hands, the hay trapped between their skin, scratchy and rough. “Come with me, Luke. I know I said I wouldn’t ask, but I’ve been waiting and waiting. You can write in LA. You’ll love it. The sun, the beach. We can start a new life together. Like we always planned.”_

_Luke lets Noah hold his hands, because it seems too cruel not to, just as he allowed their last kiss. Regret for that still lingers on his lips. “Thank you, but I can’t.”_

_“You can! Luke, I love you, and I know you still love me. We can make it work. We were always going to find our way back to each other. Don’t you see that?”_

_Luke draws away, but Noah’s grip tightens._

_“It was terrible, what happened. And I understand that you…loved him. But he’s gone, Luke. You’re still here, and so am I. Reid would want you to be happy.”_

_Tears spill over Luke’s cheeks. “I know he would. But you don’t make me happy, Noah. I don’t think you ever really did.”_

_He’s free then, hands left dangling. Noah tightens his jaw, his face hardening into a mask that long ago would have broken Luke’s heart. “Fine. Wallow in your misery over a man who was never worth it. I’m done waiting. You hear me? I’m done.”_  
...

Holden’s voice slices through the memory. “Everything okay?”

Luke knew true happiness for fleeting moments in a hospital parking lot, the sun warm on his skin, Reid’s lips against his. _There. I said it._

“Yeah, Dad. Fine.” He eats the soup and crackers his mother brings out on a tray. He says the right things and asks about his siblings and performs so well that after a while, his parents are clearly reassured. As Lily tells him about Natalie’s disaster of a piano recital, Luke laughs, and thinks of the bottles upstairs, waiting faithfully.

*

Even in dreams, Reid is out of his grasp. He’s omnipresent, but never in focus; never close enough to touch. In nightmares, Reid is trapped and calling for him, but Luke can’t make his legs work. Can’t reach him, and he’s overcome with a terrible frustration and anguish that clenches his teeth. Other times, Luke wakes up hard with longing, but the desire fades soon enough.

He’d masturbated once, let himself get lost in the fantasy of Reid kissing him, hands and mouth everywhere. Reid inside him, filling him. Making him whole again. His orgasm was almost violent, it was so powerful. But as the ecstasy ebbed, sorrow returned, grown stronger yet. He’d been utterly paralyzed by it, sticky and cold and alone. He hasn’t touched himself since.

The regret is overwhelming. The missed opportunities that will never come again. The days pass in a white blur of vodka burning his throat and pills swirling into watery oblivion. From his windows, he stares at the blank canvas of pristine snow. Sometimes he tries to read, but more often than not he falls asleep.

In the weeks after it happened, everyone told him that Reid lives on in Chris Hughes. Luke had agreed, desperately clinging to the lie with all his strength, needing Chris to prove himself worthy of Reid’s gift. But the illusion could only last so long before being exposed.

Reid doesn’t live on in Chris Hughes.

Reid is gone. His heart beats in the chest of the foolish, selfish man who sealed his fate, but Reid does not dwell there.

Because Katie wouldn’t take no for an answer, Luke went to Tom and Margo’s New Year’s Eve party at Katie’s old place. He made small talk and ate hors d'oeuvres and pretended he wasn’t thinking about the holidays he and Reid never had the chance to spend together.

Reid was everywhere between those four walls. Making an impossibly large sandwich in the kitchen. Feet up on the coffee table, remote in hand. Kissing Luke, holding him close, telling him it’s okay, they can wait.

...  
 _When he can’t take one more conversation about nothing that will ever matter, Luke flees to Reid’s old bedroom, now nothing more than an empty guest room. He sits on the bed in the dark, eyes closed, imagining all the things he and Reid never did. All the moments he wasted. He wishes he could remember what it was he’d been so afraid of._

_“How are you?”_

_Luke hates Chris bitterly in that moment, hovering in the doorway, living and breathing, owning a piece of Reid when Luke is left with nothing. Luke opens his eyes. “How do you think?”_

_“Luke, I…”_

_“You never would have needed a new heart if you hadn’t ignored your symptoms for so long.” Luke is surprisingly calm as he finally gives voice to the truth. “Everyone told you it’s not your fault, but you know it is. You know the world lost one of the greatest neurosurgeons in history, and that countless people will die because of it. You know you’ll never be the doctor he was. The visionary. The human being. And you know that the man I loved more than I ever thought possible is gone forever. Because of you.”_

_Chris’s eyes glisten in the light from the hallway. “Luke, it wasn’t my fault. I’m so sorry. You have to know that.”_

_“It will never bring him back. It will never change what you’ve done, or who you are. And we both have to live with that.”_

_He leaves Chris in his wake. In the living room, couples gather by the TV, waiting for the ball to drop. No one notices as Luke takes a bottle from the bar. He slips out the front door as the countdown begins._

_Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven…_  
...

He didn’t look back.

*

More snow falls, and Luke’s car is only a white-covered mound now. He should call someone to plow his private lane, which winds through the forest for half a mile before reaching the country road. Instead, he has another drink and goes to bed.

Once he started drinking again, Luke wondered why he resisted for so long. All the reasons he’d convinced himself were so vital are meaningless now. It’s a relief to stop fighting.

When he drags himself awake, it’s past noon. He takes a swig from the bottle on the floor and makes his way to the bathroom. Hands shaking, he tries to line up the pills, but they slither from his grasp, two disappearing onto the tile.

By the time he’s able to flush them all, Luke needs another drink. He makes it back to bed and holds the bottle to his chest as he leans against the padded headboard. A soft _beep_ draws his attention to the side table where his phone rests, a message waiting.

His parents will arrive at his door before long if he doesn’t return their call, so he reaches for the phone and flips it open. The time of the message makes him pause.

_3:14 a.m._

A memory of distant ringing emerges through the haze, and worry unfurls in Luke’s empty stomach. The number is marked private, and Luke can’t think of anyone he knows who’s unlisted. As his heart thumps, he tries to punch in his code, finally getting it after four attempts. All he can think is that there was an accident, and that he slept through it. That it might be too late. That there might be more to lose after all.

The automated voice reports in. “You have one new message.”

_Beep_

“Luke, please. Find me.”

Reid’s impossible voice ricochets through Luke’s body like gunfire, and he crashes to the floor, phone skidding across the hardwood. On his hands and knees, he vomits, liquor splashing as his stomach heaves.

_Find me._


	2. Chapter 2

Luke crawls across the floor toward the window. His phone lies near the glass where it spun to a stop after flying from his grip. He jams it against his ear and hears the automated voice repeating a list of options. He carefully presses the number nine to save the message. Then he listens again.

His lungs burn as he struggles for breath, tremors racking his body as Reid — _God, it’s Reid_ — pleads for help. Luke knows this is a dream; that Reid is dead, and this is not his voice. This is not truly happening. 

Yet no matter how hard he tries, he can’t wake. He thinks perhaps he’s dying, and the fevered end of his body is warping his mind, twisting his fears and desires into a last nightmare. Leaning his head against the cold glass, eyes closed, Luke concentrates on breathing. _In and out. In and out._ It cannot be real. 

He tries to listen to the message again, but has lost service. Panic flaps its wings and he stumbles to his feet, holding the phone out as he seeks a signal. He almost trips in the pool of vomit by his bed and barely manages to stay upright on the stairs. Shoving his boots on, Luke opens the front door and wades through the snow on the veranda. 

The phone flickers to life with one bar, and he dials his voicemail again, bracing against the frigid temperature. Shaking, he listens to the message over and over, wondering when he’ll wake up.

*

Luke’s reflection in the bathroom mirror stares back, eyes wide, dark circles below. Lips crusty with the remnants of vomit. As he stares at himself, gripping the edges of the counter, Luke wonders if he’s gone over the brink, too far to ever return. His voice is little more than a rasp as he addresses his reflection. 

“Reid is dead.” 

He tells himself that this is indisputable. That the message is not real. That he must be going crazy, the alcohol seeping so deeply into his flesh and blood and bones that it’s rotting his mind. 

_Reid is dead. He’s gone. His body was taken apart, stripped for parts. He is nothing but ash in the depths of the pond, and beneath a pillar of concrete._

Luke opens the medicine cabinet and begins the ritual. The bottle lids are stubborn, and his fingers inadequate. When he finally has the line-up in place, he reaches for the first two pills and holds them over the waiting toilet. 

_Find me._

Before he knows what’s happening, the capsules are in his mouth. He fills his glass with water and swallows, the chipped rim slicing his lip. Luke swallows the other pills in turn, the metallic taste of blood washing them down. 

*

He drains the battery on his phone replaying the message all day. He can’t — _won’t?_ — wake up from whatever dream world in which he’s been trapped. The voice, hoarse and desperate, is still Reid’s every time. 

As the phone charges, its light blinking, Luke realizes he hasn’t had anything to drink. He’s shaking and queasy and takes a few gulps from a bottle to calm his nerves. In the kitchen, he microwaves some of his grandma’s lasagne. He’s not sure it’ll stay down, but remarkably, it does. 

By the time the battery is recharged, the sun has long set. Luke spends the night by the upstairs window, listening to the four words over and over. He wakes after dawn, shivering on the floor, phone still clutched in his hand. 

In the bathroom, he lines up his medicine and stares at the little capsules. Then he has to go back out to get his phone and listen again. Since he still can’t seem to wake up, he returns to swallow his pills, although he thinks it might be too late already.

He has a drink to calm himself as he waits until nine o’clock to call. Perched on the side of his bed, he hits Alison’s number in his contact list. She picks up after the third ring. “Luke? It’s so good to hear from you! How are you?”

He can’t muster a performance this morning. “Alison, I need to ask you something.”

“Sure. Anything.” The lightness has vanished from her tone.

“You were there. When they took…everything from Reid. Right?”

“Oh, Luke.”

“Please. Just answer me.”

“Yes. I was there.” 

He should feel relieved; instead nausea roils in his gut. “You saw everything. You saw them take him apart.” He has to take a deep breath to steady himself, to blot out the memories of Reid, bloody and battered and irretrievable.

“Sweetie…” 

Luke can imagine her face pinching in concern. “I need to know.”

“Yes, I was there when they harvested his heart. It was like I told you before. He didn’t feel any pain, Luke. He was already gone.”

Luke has to take a few seconds before he can speak again. “Thank you. I’m sorry to bother you.”

“You could never be a bother. Casey and I miss you so much. You should come to visit. Will and Gwen would love to see you, too. We all keep you in our thoughts, Luke.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I’d love to visit sometime.” Luke dutifully reads his lines, but something niggles at his mind. “You said you were there when they took his heart. What about the rest?”

There’s a pause. “Well, no, there was another transplant team for his other organs and tissue. But Luke, I promise you they were equally respectful. You don’t need to worry.”

His pulse increases, and an unfamiliar sensation uncoils in his belly. “Who were they? Where were they from?”

“Luke—”

“I need to know. Can you find out? Maybe you can call one of your friends at Memorial and they can check the records.”

“Do you think this will help you let go?”

“Yes,” he lies. “Please, Alison.”

She sighs. “Okay. I’ll call my friend Gretchen and see if she’s on duty. I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”

Luke paces in front of the window, walking from one end of the room to the other. He checks the bars on the phone’s display every few seconds to make sure there’s still a signal. When it finally rings an hour later, he almost drops it in his hurry to answer. “Was she there?”

“Yeah. But I’m sorry, Luke. She checked the computer and the filing cabinets. There’s no record of which hospital harvested the rest of Reid’s body. There must have been a filing mix-up somehow. It’s strange, since I know how carefully these things are recorded. Gretchen even went down to the basement to see if anything had been misfiled. But she couldn’t find anything. She was working that day, so I asked if she remembered where they were from. But they never said.”

“Do you remember what they looked like?”

“They wore surgical masks. But even if I could remember their faces, it wouldn’t help. They could have been from anywhere. Although…now that I think about it, they must have been fairly local.”

“Why’s that?” 

“They arrived so quickly. But Luke, none of this matters. He’s gone, and I’m sure everyone he helped with his generosity is very grateful. Didn’t someone at the hospital tell you the other transplants went well?” 

“Yeah. Someone called, but they didn’t say who they were.” He hadn’t considered it before, but the details were very vague. He assumed it was due to patient confidentiality. 

“I know it’s hard to accept that he’s gone. I can only imagine what you’re going through.” 

“Thank you, Alison. I’ll visit soon. Love you.”

He disconnects before she can answer, and tells himself Alison’s right. Reid’s gone. It’s meaningless that the records are missing, or that she can’t remember where the transplant team were from. It doesn’t change anything. 

Yet the foreign sensation blooms inside him, a warmth spreading across his chest. He presses a few buttons and listens to the message again. As Reid’s voice fills his ear, Luke finally recognizes the feeling taking hold.

 _Hope_.

*

By midday, Luke has to charge the phone once more. Without Reid’s voice to cling to, he flounders. How will he find him? Where does he begin? Should he call the police? His parents? 

_Is this how Aunt Meg felt when she descended into madness?_

Luke’s asleep again later, exhausted by reality, when someone pounds on the door. He wakes with a gasp, breath frozen painfully in his chest. He almost falls down the stairs, running to the door, praying that somehow this is real, and somehow it is him. He yanks the door open.

“Luciano?” Damian peers at him with concern. 

Luke sags against the doorframe, muttering. “You can’t be here. None of this is real.”

Damian removes his black leather glove and presses the back of his hand to Luke’s forehead. “Are you ill?”

 _Yes_. “No.” Luke looks out beyond Damian and sees that the snow is deeper yet on his drive. “How did you get here?” 

“I walked from the road.”

Luke looks down, and, sure enough, Damian’s pants and expensive leather shoes are soaked. “You wrecked your shoes.”

Damian takes him by the shoulders. “I don’t care about shoes, Luciano! What’s happened to you?”

Luke is about to launch into his usual spiel about being fine, but the words don’t come. “I…I think I’m going crazy.”

Without another word, Damian propels Luke into the living room and urges him into one of the chairs by the fireplace. He kneels. “I was sorry to hear about Reid. I wish I’d met him.”

Luke finds himself smiling. “He’s the reason you got caught, you know. He saw the x-rays of your supposed body and said the man had Huntington’s. So I knew it wasn’t you. Your brilliant plan exposed.”

“I’m not proud of the things I’ve done, Luciano. I’ve made many mistakes.” 

“How are you here?” It all feels so _real_.

“The charges were dropped yesterday. They released me this morning, and I came straight to see you.” 

“Dropped? But you’re guilty.”

Damian smiles ruefully. “Yes, I am. I won’t try to convince you otherwise. I’m truly sorry for my actions, although I won’t blame you for not believing me.”

“You’re always sorry. But nothing ever changes.”

“I want it to be different this time, Luciano. They didn’t have enough evidence to go to trial, and while I’ll freely admit my shortcomings to you…I’m not noble enough to condemn myself to a life in prison. I could not deny myself a second chance.”

Luke knows he should be furious for all the terrible, unforgivable things Damian has done. He should get up and shove him back out into the snow in his ruined shoes, yelling again that Holden Snyder is his only father. But he doesn’t. “How did you know where I live now?”

“One of my assistants keeps me updated. He told me of this man’s death. Your Dr. Oliver.”

Swallowing over the sudden lump in his throat, Luke stands. “You should take your wet things off. You’ll catch a cold. I’ll get you some sweats. They’ll be too small, but…”

Damian smiles so gratefully for this reprieve. “I won’t stay long. I just wanted to see you again. I don’t expect a thing.”

“You can stay for a little while.”

“Thank you, Luciano. I don’t deserve you.”

Luke doesn’t argue.

*

As he crashes to the floor, Luke wakes. He’s still reaching out, desperately seeking Reid in the darkness. He blinks, registering the pain in his hip and shoulder. The house is still, Damian asleep in one of the guest rooms across the hall on the other side of the staircase. He’s the first person Luke has ever permitted to stay the night. He doesn’t know why he’s allowed Damian to slip in, but when night fell, he couldn’t bear to send his father out into the snow for so a long walk. 

He knows he should have. He tells himself he still might. 

The wind howls, battering the windows, snowflakes whirling wildly. Luke makes his way to the glass, and is taking his phone from the pocket of his flannel pyjama pants when he spots the movement in the shadows near the waterline. 

It’s a person. He’s sure of it. 

He presses his face right to the window, breath fogging the icy glass as he strains to see. Adrenaline floods his veins and his heart thumps as he scans the trees. There’s another flash of something and Luke’s off, slip-sliding down the stairs in his socks. He bursts outside. “Reid!”

Wading through the snow, Luke stumbles his way towards the trees. “Reid!” He lurches headlong, determination fuelling his steps, ignoring the brutal pain as his nerve endings cry out from the bitter cold. “ _Reid!_ ”

Snow and ice pellets batter Luke’s skin, and he struggles to move, his body seizing up, his clothing soaked already. He staggers to his knees, gasping for breath, his lungs aching from the freezing air. Squinting into the driving snow, he sees only trees. _Reid is waiting to be found._

Luke can’t get up, his legs totally uncooperative now. As he crawls, numbness replaces the overwhelming pain, and he tries to call Reid’s name again. He can only wheeze. Suddenly he’s yanked to his feet, strong arms locked around him. 

Damian half carries him back to the house, and Luke is unable to struggle. Damian takes him right upstairs and deposits him on the side of the bed. Once he’s peeled off Luke’s t-shirt, he rubs his skin vigorously, methodically going over Luke’s chest and back, followed by one arm and then the other. 

Luke feels like a child for the first time in a very long time, yielding as Damian warms him. After Damian kneels to strip off Luke’s pyjamas and socks, Luke realizes with a bolt of panic that his phone was in his pocket. He grasps for the wet flannel desperately, fingers useless and numb, his heart pounding anew. “My phone, my phone.”

Damian pulls it out and gives it a quick glance before resting it on the bedside table. “It’s fine, Luciano.” He rubs Luke’s legs and feet, paying special attention to Luke’s toes. “Can you feel this?” 

Luke winces at the shooting pain in his feet as feeling is restored, and nods. His eyes are glued to the phone. _Find me_. 

“You frightened me very much.” Damian continues chafing Luke’s feet.

Luke’s gaze remains on his phone. He’s afraid to look away. Afraid it’ll disappear and take Reid’s ghost with it. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

Damian smacks the wooden floor with his palm, catching Luke’s attention. “Thank God you did! Do you know how quickly you could have frozen to death?” 

“That’s not what I wanted.” Or maybe it was. Maybe it is. Become stone and never have to feel again.

Damian takes a breath and blows it out, and when he speaks again, his tone has softened. “There was no one else outside, Luciano.” 

Luke doesn’t think he can recognize the truth anymore, but he nods. _Reid is dead_.

After rummaging through the drawers on the other side of the bed, Damian returns with fresh pyjamas. Luke is boneless as Damian dresses him and rubs his skin again. He tucks Luke into bed beneath the duvet and two extra blankets, but keeps Luke’s hands in his, massaging gently. “You can get frostbite in less than a minute in this temperature.” 

“What if he’s out there?”

Damian sighs and brushes back the hair from Luke’s forehead. “Sleep now, _cucciolo_.”

Luke wants to confess everything, but his eyes are heavy, and he does as he’s told.

*

He wakes feeling warm and safe, sunlight streaming into his room for a welcome change from the unending winter gloom. Even as he remembers, and his stomach twists, the peaceful sensation doesn’t completely evaporate. Damian sits on the floor some feet away, watching him. He leans against the closet door, and Luke knows his father has found what hides inside. 

Yet in Damian, Luke can see none of the disappointment he would with Lily and Holden. Perhaps because Damian is in no position to judge. 

“Luciano, this can’t go on. You were screaming for him — your lover. But he’s gone, my son.”

Logically, Luke knows this to be true. Reid is dead. His heart beats in another man’s chest. _Your lover_. Luke closes his eyes for a moment as the wave of regret recedes, and he takes a deep breath. “Will you help me?”

Damian comes to sit on the side of the bed and squeezes Luke’s hand. “Of course. We’ll go to the best place, with the best doctors.”

“There’s something I need to do first. There’s something I need to know.” 

“Anything.”

Luke pushes himself up and reaches for his phone. He listens to the message again first to make sure it’s still there, and breathes a sigh when he hears Reid’s ragged voice. Damian says nothing as he listens, and silently returns the phone afterwards. Luke ensures that he saves the message anew before he asks. 

“You heard it, right?” His breath is caught in his chest.

“Who was that, Luciano? I don’t think I understand.”

Relief floods Luke. Maybe he’s not as crazy as he feared. “It’s Reid. That’s his voice.” He holds up his hands. “I know what you’re going to say. That it’s impossible. That he’s dead. But I’m telling you, that’s his voice. It’s _him_.”

Damian seems like he has many things to say, but he simply asks, “Did you look up the number?”

“Can’t. It’s private. I know it’s insane, and I know it’s impossible. But that’s his voice. I need to know where the call came from, and who made it. I _need_ to know.”

Damian squeezes Luke’s shoulder, and his smile is reassuring. “Well then, Luciano, we’ll find out.”


	3. Chapter 3

Damian is nothing if not efficient.

By noon, Luke’s road is being plowed, and Damian has made a series of phone calls. Luke doesn’t know who his father is calling, and he doesn’t care. He takes his medicine, and curls up in a chair by the fire to wait. He wonders again where the vodka has been hidden.

They’ve struck a bargain for the time being. Luke is permitted one shot with breakfast and one with dinner, provided he eats everything on his plate. Damian agrees that going cold turkey would be too much of a shock to the system and that Luke needs to be weaned off.

He shivers despite the blaze before him, and listens to his father in the other room, speaking Italian to one of his minions. Damian’s voice is low, but Luke hears snatches of his conversation. _Strano_. Odd. _Inquieto_. Worried.

All that matters is that Damian will find answers.

Luke’s phone rests in his pocket, safe and secure, pressing against his hip. He wishes he could just have one more drink to put him to sleep. Instead, he closes his eyes and allows the luxury of remembering what life was like not so long ago. When Reid was a force of nature and Luke thought they had all the time in the world.

…  
 _“Uh huh. Okay, Mom. Yeah, no problem. I’ll make them din—” Luke gasps loudly and almost drops the phone as Reid presses up behind him and snakes his hands under Luke’s t-shirt. “What? Sorry, Mom. No, everything’s fine. I just spilled something. See you later.”_

_Reid’s arms wrap around, one hand pressing his cold stethoscope to Luke’s chest while he other traces a pattern on Luke’s belly. “I thought we were going to play doctor.”_

_Luke chuckles and leans back into Reid’s embrace. “No, Dr. Oliver, we were going to give you more lessons on how to be polite.”_

_“Mmm. But we have the house to ourselves, Mr. Snyder.” Reid sucks on Luke’s earlobe, sending shivers of pleasure down Luke’s spine._

_“My sisters will be home any minute.” Still, Luke’s eyes flutter shut and his breath hitches as Reid teases his nipples with the chestpiece of the stethoscope._

_Reid makes a_ tsking _sound. “The patient is resistant to treatment.”_

_Luke’s cock twitches to life and he can feel Reid’s growing hardness against his ass. He pushes back against it as Reid skims the stethoscope lower. They’ve never really done anything more than kiss and press against each other for fleeting moments, and Luke’s suddenly desperate for Reid to really touch him._

_“Mom! Faith is totally being a huge pain!” Natalie shouts as she bursts through the front door._  
…

 

The memory evaporates, and Luke finds himself on the stairs, rushing to his room to open the drawer beside his bed. The chess piece and stethoscope are in their place, undisturbed. With care, Luke removes the stethoscope. The metal is cold against his skin, and he holds it to his chest, eyes closed. He doesn’t listen to the earpieces. He’s not sure anymore what he might hear.

*

As darkness falls, the smell of tomato sauce permeates the house. Damian’s assistant, a glossy young woman whose name Luke doesn’t know, had arrived mid-afternoon to drop off fresh groceries, along with a large suitcase and several garment bags.

Damian has been cooking ever since. The sauce smells spicy with garlic and onions, and Luke’s stomach actually rumbles. He’s never used the dining room, but Damian insists they sit at the table, and he sets it with placemats and china Luke didn’t even know he owned.

Damian carefully doles out the vodka with exact measurements. One and a half ounces and nothing more, no matter how much Luke implores him for just another sip. Luke’s shaky and his head throbs, but he eats as much as he can. It clearly makes his father happy, each mouthful Luke manages to swallow.

“I’m receiving a preliminary report tomorrow,” Damian says.

“Are you going to Oakdale?” Luke calculates the time it’ll take and how many places in the house Damian could have hidden the vodka. He just needs a bit more to smooth out the sharp edges. He’ll stop soon.

Damian peers at him like he’s just read his mind. “No, Luciano. My assistant, Marco, is coming here.”

“Oh. That’s good.” Luke doesn’t let himself ponder what information might be in this report. His pulse races at the mere thought, his stomach twisting. “I thought that girl was your assistant.”

“Juliana? She is. Marco helps with…other things.” Damian puts his fork down and rests his hand on Luke’s arm. “Are you all right?”

Luke jerks out an approximation of a nod.

“We’ll get to the bottom of this, _Ninetto_. I promise.”

At the distant memory, Luke finds himself smiling. “You haven’t called me that in years.”

Damian smiles in return. “Last time I did, you told me you were too old for that nickname.”

“I did?”

“I think you were nine, but feeling rather grown-up.”

Luke’s smile fades. “In Malta. When you kidnapped me.”

“Yes.” Damian’s gaze drops to his plate.

They eat the rest of the meal in silence.

*

All is still when Luke creeps from his room. He’s lain awake for hours, listening to the message every few minutes to make sure it’s still there. He knows just a little drink would give him the release he needs to sleep.

Damian’s door is shut, and Luke tip-toes down the stairs, wincing at every creak of the wood. He decides to start his search in the kitchen, since Damian has somewhat taken over the space. The moon’s light reflecting off the snow-covered world provides enough light as Luke enters the kitchen.

“Still awake?”

Gasping, Luke spins around to find his father sitting at the round kitchen table near the pantry. “God, Damian.”

“I apologize if I frightened you.”

“What are you doing sitting here in the dark?” Luke’s heart thumps.

“I was afraid to sleep.”

“What? Why?”

“Perhaps I wouldn’t hear you this time, and I’d wake too late. That all there would be left for me to do was find your body in the snow.”

Luke pulls out a chair on the near side of the table and slouches onto it. “You don’t have to worry. I was…confused. I’m fine now.” _What if he’s out there?_

“Hmm. Yes, I can tell. Looking for a drink, Luciano?”

“I just need a little to help me sleep.”

As he stands, Damian tightens the belt on his silky robe, which he wears over equally silky pyjamas. He lights the stove, the flare as the gas ignites illuminating the lines in his face. Without a word, he pours some milk into a pan. As it heats, Damian stirs it with a wooden spoon. He glances at Luke. “Do you want to play a game?”

“Huh?”

Damian nods at Luke’s hands.

Luke looks down and realizes he’s taken the knight from his pyjama pocket and is running his fingers over the carved ridges. “No. I don’t have a set. This was his.”

“Ah, yes. He was quite the chess player.”

“Yeah. He was amazing at it. He—” Luke stops, a coil of tension encircling his spine. “How did you know that?” A horrible, terrible, sickening thought takes hold. “You showed up after…someone called. Only a day later.” _It was Reid’s voice. It was Reid. It was Reid._

Damian lets go of the spoon and it flops against the side of the pan. “Luciano, I told you. I was released from prison, and I came straight here.”

“Hell of a coincidence.” Luke’s pulse races. “You didn’t…I mean, you wouldn’t. Would you?”

“Of what are you accusing me?”

Luke has no idea. “How did you know he played chess?”

“When Juliana told me you were involved with this man, I had him investigated.”

Luke is momentarily speechless. “You say that like most people would say they picked up a pizza on the way home.”

Damian frowns, appearing slightly puzzled. “I simply wanted to make sure you were all right. You’re my son. It’s my job to protect you.”

“Did you have Noah investigated?”

“Of course.”

Luke has to laugh as he shakes his head. “Noah would’ve been so mad if he’d known.”

“Yes, well, the last time I spoke to him, I was not his favourite person in any case. Nor were you, for that matter.”

“He blamed us both. For the accident.”

“I’ve done many things in my time of which I’m not proud. But informing the university that a professor was acting inappropriately with a student? For that, I have no regret or apologies. And you know you were not to blame either, Luciano.”

“I know.” Luke thinks about how little more than a year ago, his world revolved around Noah. How he never would have known Reid if not for the accident. He forces air into his lungs. “What did you find out about Reid?”

“Nothing. That he was as he seemed. A brilliant neurosurgeon. Childhood chess prodigy and genius. I can have Marco bring the file if you like. It’s quite detailed.”

Luke’s not sure he can bear to read about all the little things he never had the chance to learn. “The milk’s burning.”

“ _Merda._ ” Damian swears under his breath as he removes the pan from the heat.

“So that’s how you knew about the chess. Because you read it in a report. And if I called Margo, she’d tell me that they had to drop the charges because there wasn’t enough evidence. Just like you said. Right?”

“Yes.” Damian sighs. “I understand your mistrust, Luciano.”

“Good! You let me think you were dead. That my father killed you.”

“If I could go back and change it, I would. Truly.”

“Why did you do it? Any of it?”

Damian sits down and takes a long moment before answering. “My love for your mother, it’s…it consumes me. It’s led me to make many bad choices.”

“Like using Meg. And Faith. My little sister, Damian. _My sister_.”

He winces. “I have no excuse.”

“No. You don’t.”

“What can I do to make things right?”

“I don’t know if you can.” Luke grasps the knight in his palm. “Tell me you didn’t know anything about Reid’s…about what happened to Reid.”

“Nothing, Luciano!” Damian reaches across the table and covers Luke’s hand with his own. “This I swear to you on my life. All I know of the man is what I read of his background and what I heard of his death. Nothing more.”

Luke looks into his father’s pleading eyes in the flickering light of the stove. “Okay.”

“I won’t let you down this time. I promise.”

Luke nods. Belief in the impossible is all he has left.

*

“Luke?”

“Hey, Mom.”

“How’s the writing going?”

“Great. How’s everything at Worldwide?”

Lily tells him about some new business deal, and Luke _uh huhs_ and makes interested noises as he paces and waits for her to get to the point. “Baby, Damian was released from prison a couple of days ago.”

“What? Why? How?” He hopes his performance is convincing.

“Not enough evidence, which is ridiculous. But there’s nothing we can do about it.” Lily sighs heavily.

“No. I guess not.”

“Has he contacted you?”

Through the front window, Luke watches Damian on the porch, conferring with Marco, who has arrived with a file folder. “No.”

“He left me a message saying he wouldn’t bother me again and he hoped your father and I will be very happy.”

“Well…that’s good, right?”

“I hope so, Luke. But you know Damian. We can’t trust him.”

“I know, Mom.” Luke glances over as Damian comes back inside and hangs up his coat. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Luke, you’ll tell us the minute Damian calls you, right?”

“Of course.”

“Okay. Love you, sweetheart.”

“Love you, too.” Luke snaps the phone shut and swallows hard, his throat suddenly dry. To Damian, he asks, “Well?”

Damian takes a seat by the fire, and Luke joins him. Without preamble, Damian opens the file and begins. “The call was made from a building outside Chicago. Miles from anywhere. The building serves as the headquarters of a small medical supply and equipment company called Gallman Tech.”

“Never heard of it.” Luke’s pulse races, his hands in fists.

“It’s owned by Medi-West Group, which is owned by the Markman Company, which is owned by Invicta, which is—”

“Invicta?” Luke’s stomach flip-flops.

Damian’s gaze is sharp. “Yes. You know it?”

“They wanted to buy Memorial. It was this whole thing with Bob and Reid. And me, I guess. They didn’t approve of my relationship with Reid and it was going to affect the sale.”

“Why? Because you’re gay?” Damian huffs in outrage.

“It was partly that, and partly…it doesn’t matter. In the end, Bob decided not to sell.”

“Did this Invicta have any other connection to Reid?”

“No. I’m sure of it.” Luke fidgets in his chair, perched on the edge. “What does this mean? How could Invicta be involved in…whatever this is?”

“I don’t know. Do you think anyone there would hold a grudge against you? This could be little more than a cruel joke, Luciano. Designed to torment you.”

“But why? I mean, I don’t think I was Mona Cross’s favourite person, but why would she call me in the middle of the night from some building in the middle of nowhere pretending to be Reid? And that was _his_ voice. It was!” _Was it?_

“I don’t know, Luciano. Let’s go over the other information Marco procured.” Damian scans the paper. “The call was placed from a phone in the basement of the building. The records confirm that it was made at three-fourteen a.m.”

“How did Marco find all this out?”

“He has his ways.” Damian flips to the next page. “The basement portion of the building is using a great deal of electricity. According to the building plans, the area holds only file storage. This seems unlikely given the energy consumption.”

Luke is on his feet. “We have to go. Now. We have to find out what’s down there.”

Damian tugs Luke’s arm gently and urges him to sit. “Yes. We will. Marco is waiting for further instructions. He’ll investigate the building’s security and devise a plan. We’ll put together a team and they’ll find out what’s going on.”

“I’m going, Damian. I’m not just sitting here waiting.”

“Luciano—”

“Don’t ‘Luciano’ me! I’m _going_. You know you’d feel exactly the same way. If that was Mom’s voice on the phone.” Luke is up again, pacing now, the adrenaline pumping in his veins. “If it was Mom, you’d go. You wouldn’t let anyone stop you.”

After a moment, Damian nods. “True enough. All right. Once we have a plan, we’ll _both_ go. Let me go talk to Marco.”

“Just bring him inside. He’s allowed in, you know.”

Damian returns with Marco, who carefully shakes the snow off his boots before stepping inside and removing them. He’s a tall man in his thirties with brown hair and an unremarkable face. Small nose, thin lips, brown eyes. The only feature that stands out is a thick white scar slashing the side of his neck before disappearing under his starched collar. He nods to Luke and shakes his hand.

All Luke can do is wait while Marco makes a series of phone calls. Then he tells them he needs an internet connection and that he’ll be back the next day. As another meal bubbles on the stove, Luke walks the length of the living room, staring out the window and listening to Reid’s message every few minutes.

“Luciano, please. Sit.” Damian leans against the archway separating the living and dining rooms.

“I can’t sit!”

“If you want to come on this trip, you would do well to be rested.” Damian frowns as he examines Luke more closely. “Your hair is a mess.”

“I don’t care about my fucking hair!”

“If we’re going to access this building, we need to blend in.” Damian nods his head. “Come.”

Soon, Luke finds himself sitting on a chair in the middle of the kitchen with wet hair and a towel draped around his neck as Damian hones a pair of scissors with a sharpening stone. “Do you know what you’re doing?”

Damian chuckles as the metal edges of the scissors scrape across the stone in the blink of an eye. “Of course. I worked in my Uncle Antonio’s barber shop when I was a boy.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I swept up the hair for a few hundred _lira_. Only peanuts.” He separates Luke’s hair into sections with a comb and begins snipping. “Later he taught me how to cut. How to give a perfect shave. I always looked forward very much to the mornings I spent there.”

As Damian continues cutting, Luke closes his eyes and listens to stories of a faraway place, and a boy he wishes he could know.

*

Forty-eight hours later, Luke sits in the back of Damian’s high-end sedan as they approach the front gate of Gallman Tech. A guard sits in a lighted booth and the arm of a security gate blocks the entrance. The sun has almost set, and darkness is settling in.

Luke’s heart pounds, and he’s extremely close to vomiting. He wishes he could have a drink to stop the shaking. _Just one_.

Somehow, Marco has procured ID cards that identify him, Luke, and Damian as employees of Medi-West. Luke’s fake name is “Lucas Anderson,” and he repeats it to himself under his breath as Damian comes to a stop and lowers his window.

“Good afternoon,” Damian says to the middle-aged, paunchy guard. Luke blinks in surprise at the sound of Damian’s American accent. It’s not flawless, but he sounds far less Italian than usual.

“More like evening.” The guard smiles. “Most folks are headed home about now.”

Damian shakes his head ruefully. “Tell me about it. We got stuck in traffic. Huge accident near Evanston. Now we still have to take this meeting and we’ll probably miss the first period of the Blackhawks game.”

The guard laughs. “I’ve gotta listen on the radio. Not the same as watching on my forty-inch flat screen.”

“You need a TV in there! I’ll mention it at the next board meeting.” Damian hands the guard their three ID cards.

“Hey man, that would be great.” The guard swipes their cards through a reader, and Luke’s lungs freeze. A moment later, the guard hands the cards back and the mechanical arm blocking their car lifts. “Have a good night, Mr. Parker.”

Damian drives through and Luke exhales. “I can’t believe we got in so easily.”

“Well, it seems Marco’s findings were correct. Whatever’s going on here, they’re not expecting any uninvited visitors. Their guard is down.”

“And you’re sure this computer guy can control the alarms and cameras once we’re inside?” Luke’s palms sweat and he wipes them against his long woollen coat. Underneath, he’s wearing the suit he wore to his father’s non-wedding to Molly. He had to tighten his belt considerably, and the jacket hangs off his shoulders loosely.

“Yes, Luciano, Marco is confident. Now remember the plan. I will keep them busy on the main floor with a surprise inspection. You and Marco will go downstairs and search. Whatever it is, I suspect you’ll know it when you see it.” He peers at Luke carefully in the rear-view mirror. “Are you sure you can handle this, Luciano?”

Luke nods jerkily and takes a deep breath as Damian parks in the lot, which is emptying as the clock ticks past five p.m. Luke stuffs his hands in his coat pockets as they walk towards the unassuming four-storey office building, which Luke has been told was constructed four years ago.

According to Marco, Gallman Tech is a real company that supplies hospitals and clinics all over the Midwest. It employs just under a thousand people between its office personnel, delivery drivers and warehouse workers. Last year it awarded staff a three percent raise and holiday bonus.

They walk into the lobby, and Luke concentrates on breathing steadily. _In and out. In and out._

 _Find me_.

Luke has to press his lips into a thin line to stop from screaming. His hands shake in his pockets as he resists the urge to lunge across the welcome desk and throttle the receptionist until she tells him everything.

Damian is spinning his tale of surprise inspection to the befuddled young woman, who already wears her fuchsia coat, ready to leave. With an almost imperceptible nod, Marco leads Luke down a corridor and into a stairwell. They quickly descend to the basement level, where the door is unremarkable and unlocked.

Through the door and into the basement, they come face to face with rows of filing cabinets.

Dim emergency lighting shines in the corners of the room, and dust layers most of the metal cabinets. Luke shakes his head, the grief welling up, thick and painful and heavy in his chest. “This can’t be all there is. It was his voice. It was him. He was here.”

Marco says nothing as he scans the room. After a moment, he goes to the left, striding quickly to the far wall as Luke hurries behind, mind spinning as he follows blindly. Marco stops in front of another door. It’s just as unremarkable as the first.

“There’s nothing here.” Luke wavers on his feet. “There’s _nothing_.” _Reid’s gone. Broken into pieces._

With one hand, Marco grips Luke’s shoulder painfully, keeping him upright. With the other, he flips open a small metal box Luke hadn’t even noticed, on the wall to the left of the door. There, a security pin pad gleams.

As Luke watches in amazement, Marco removes a device from his inside pocket and plugs it into the security pad. Numbers flash on the display until the correct sequence has been found and the door opens with a click that seems to echo across the concrete.

With a finger to his lips, Marco leads the way inside.


	4. Chapter 4

Luke blinks at the brightness of the corridor before him. The overhead lights seem blinding, and the walls are an antiseptic white. Even the grey linoleum floor seems to shine. He has the impression of the entire space having been bleached.

Marco is about ten feet ahead, at the juncture of another hallway. He points to his watch, and then the door that has closed behind Luke. Luke hopes it didn’t make a noise, and can’t remember hearing anything. Marco holds up both his hands, indicating that Luke should meet him back at this spot in ten minutes. At least, that’s what Luke hopes he means, because Marco has disappeared around the corner before Luke can ask.

With a shuddering breath, he forces his legs to move. He tip-toes by closed doors and listens carefully. All is silent. At the end of the corridor, there is another hall, this one ending after fifteen feet with a door. Unlike the others Luke has passed, this door has a window.

The only sound Luke can hear is the blood rushing in his own ears as he inches forward. He can see a small nameplate on the entrance, with a word etched into the bronze.

_Lazarus_

Luke crouches, leg muscles quivering as he scuttles along until he’s below the window. He stops and listens, but can hear no voices or sounds of movement. He takes a deep breath and blows it out. Slowly, he peeks over the ledge.

The room appears to be some kind of laboratory, with a desk and what looks to be scientific equipment on the side of the room closest to Luke and the window. On the other side, to the right, Luke can see a gurney surrounded by a number of machines.

On the gurney is a person.

Luke’s ragged breath fogs the glass and he clings to the window ledge. The man lies facing away from Luke, and all he can see is the head and bare shoulders. The room appears otherwise unoccupied.

Before he can even register his surprise that it’s unlocked, Luke is turning the metal handle. He closes the door quietly behind him, and leans against it for a long moment. _In and out. In and out._

Then he’s moving again, his feet somehow stepping one in front of the other, and he nears the gurney. The man’s hair is light brown with an auburn tinge and short all over, as if his head had been shaved several months ago. He — _Reid_ , it’s Reid’s body — is unmoving. Luke’s heart thumps and his fingers tingle, and he thinks he might just float away up to the ceiling at any moment. But he doesn’t, and as Reid’s face comes into view, Luke slaps his hand over his mouth to stifle his cry.

Reid lies still, just as the last time Luke saw him, his eyes closed, forever lifeless. The blood has long since been washed away, and the bruises are gone. His skin is ghostly pale, marred by the red slash down the middle of his chest where they took his heart. Yet somehow his chest rises and falls, and Luke knows it’s only because of the machines hooked up to him, beeping and whirring and flashing.

He knows that Reid cannot truly be _alive_. It’s not possible. Is it? _God, is it?_

There’s a tube in Reid’s nose, and something in his mouth that looks plastic. Electrodes are attached to his chest, connected to the machines. An IV pierces his arm, and another tube snakes under the thin sheet that covers Reid’s lower body. Luke doesn’t understand what it is they’ve done to him or what they hope to accomplish. He just knows he must stop it. This is not what Luke agreed to when he signed the papers. Not this.

He’s reaching out, fingertips aching to feel the heat of Reid’s flesh, when he notices the leather cuffs around Reid’s wrists.

Then Reid’s eyes are open, and Luke believes in miracles.

He clutches the side of the gurney, his knees giving out. “Reid?”

Reid stares back, his lips moving soundlessly, and it’s _him_. As Luke squeezes his hand, Reid’s fingers curl around his. Luke wonders if he’ll wake at any moment, alone and shivering in his bed.

“Reid? Oh, God.” Luke touches Reid’s forehead.

Reid’s eyes widen, and Luke hears the footsteps a moment later. The door is opening as he dives behind the end of a counter along the wall. He’s hidden on one side, but if the person who just entered walks too far across the room and looks over, he’ll be seen instantly.

“Good evening, Patient G.” An older female voice rings out cheerily, and Luke can hear paper being shuffled. “I see the test results are positive today. That’s exciting news, isn’t it? Before you know it, we’ll be on to stage two.”

Luke crouches against the wall, his fists clenched tightly, nails digging into his palms, as Reid — _it’s Reid, it’s really Reid_ — makes a muffled noise.

“What’s that? Oh, you know I can’t take off the restraints. You were a very bad boy the other night. Trying to go for a walk on your own. You know we only want what’s best for you, Patient G. We don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

As the woman putters around, Luke listens, praying that the drone of the machines will drown out the pounding of Luke’s heart. Sweat beads on his forehead, even though the basement is cool. One end of his long winter coat is twisted beneath his right foot, and it pulls on his neck. But he doesn’t move an inch.

“I’ll be back soon, Patient G. You should be ready for the bed pan by then.”

Luke plans to wait half a minute after the door closes, and he counts out the seconds in his head. _One Mississippi. Two Mississippi…_ He’s barely at fifteen when he peeks out cautiously and then rushes to Reid’s side. Reid’s arms shake as he struggles against the thick restraints around his wrists.

“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” Luke’s fingers feel useless and he fights to undo the buckle on the first restraint. Finally he yanks it open.

Reid immediately pulls the plastic implement from his mouth, dropping it to the floor. “Luke.” His voice is a hoarse croak, the same sound that has imprinted itself on Luke’s mind, the voice that echoes eternally, begging for his help. Reid reaches up a shaky hand to touch Luke’s cheek.

“It’s me.” Luke leans into Reid’s touch, covering Reid’s hand with his own. “I’m here. I found you.” He leans down and presses their lips together, Reid’s as dry as the desert. “I found you.”

Reid tries to sit up, and Luke has to help him, his arm firm around his shoulders. Reid is too thin, his muscles too weak, and Luke struggles to support him. It’s awkward to manage, but Luke undoes the other restraint without letting go of Reid. Reid whispers roughly against Luke’s neck. “The machines. Alarms on her pager.”

Luke doesn’t think Marco’s computer expert will have any control over these. “We’ll move fast. It’s going to be okay. I’m getting you out of here.” Luke holds Reid close, breathing him in. _Alive, alive, alive._

Reid leans over unsteadily, pushing aside the sheet. He deflates the small balloon at the end of his catheter and quickly pulls the tube out as Luke watches helplessly. Next, Reid reaches for one of the machines, switching it off. It’s connected to the tube in his nose, and Luke realizes it must be a food pump.

Closing his eyes, Reid holds his breath and removes the tube. It takes a full five seconds, the plastic seeming to never end as Reid pulls it from his nose, and Luke exhales along with him when Reid drops the coil to the floor, coughing. Luke is about to ask if Reid’s okay, but it’s so ludicrous a question that the words die in his throat. Next is the IV, which Reid yanks out carelessly, leaving a trail of blood down his arm. He doesn’t seem to notice and is busy detaching the electrodes from his chest.

The machines are beeping loudly now that Reid is free from their grasp. Luke tugs his coat off and guides Reid’s hands through the coat’s arms. As Reid slides off the gurney, Luke lurches as he supports his weight. They stumble towards the door, mechanical shrieks echoing behind them.

They make it to the main corridor before the woman appears. She’s near the end where Luke and Marco first came in, at the juncture of the hallway where Marco disappeared. She stares at them, mouth agape. Reid can barely stand, and Luke knows he can’t both hold up Reid and remove her from their path.

The woman, bespectacled, plump and middle-aged, wears green scrubs and looks like a million nurses Luke has come across in his life. As Luke wonders if he can reason with her, she lunges towards them, suddenly terrifying in her determination.

There’s a blur of motion behind her as she nears, and then she’s on the floor in a heap, Marco standing over her. He motions to Luke to move, and Luke forces his legs to operate, half dragging Reid. Marco steps over the woman and comes to their aid, and soon they’re moving quickly.

A man appears, some kind of guard from the looks of it, and his eyes widen comically as he reaches for the gun on his belt. Luke reels under the sudden force of Reid’s entire weight, and they tumble to the floor. There’s a soft _pop_ as Luke looks up, and the guard staggers, blood blossoming from the wound in his chest.

Luke stares between the guard’s floundering body and Marco’s outstretched arm. A silencer is attached to the end of Marco’s handgun, and he calmly stows it back inside his coat. He hauls Luke and Reid to their feet, pausing only to remove the radio from the guard’s prone figure.

Then they’re off again, through the secret door and past the dusty filing cabinets, Reid lurching as he tries to stay upright. Luke grips him tightly as they navigate the stairs, telling himself not to think of the crumpled people in their wake.

Back on the main floor, they stop in the stairwell while Marco dials his phone and speaks rapidly in Italian. Luke leans Reid against the wall and struggles to do up his coat’s wide black buttons. He pushes the last through the hole in the wool as Marco finishes his call and gives him the sign that they’re moving.

Between Luke and Marco, they’re able to propel Reid down a hallway past darkened offices. Luke doesn’t ask Marco where they’re going, and a moment later they’re outside, an emergency door slamming behind them. The wintry air bites at exposed skin, and Reid sucks in his breath sharply. Luke realizes Reid has nothing on his feet and he quickly squats down and yanks off his leather shoes, loosening the laces so he can slide Reid’s feet in.

His thin socks are no match against the packed snow, but Luke barely notices as he holds Reid close. He’s about to ask Marco what the plan is when headlights shine and a car rounds the corner of the building. Momentarily blinded, Luke can’t tell if it’s Damian or not, and he tightens his hold on Reid, ready to flee into the nearby field if necessary.

Fortunately, it’s his father who emerges. Damian takes in the sight of Reid and stops in his tracks. “My God,” he mutters softly.

Marco is all business, and he opens the trunk before taking hold of Reid’s arm. Reid stumbles against Luke, shaking his head, and Luke realizes Marco’s intent. “No! He’s claustrophobic. He can’t go in there.” Luke draws back, arms around Reid.

“Luciano, I’m afraid it’s necessary, and there is not a moment to debate.” Damian raises his hands beseechingly. “It will only be for a short time.”

“Then I’m going in with him.”

“All right, but it needs to be now,” Marco says. He reaches for Reid again, and this time brooks no argument, even though Reid recoils desperately against Luke. Reid’s no match for Marco’s strength, and he’s in the trunk in the blink of an eye, before Luke can even protest to be gentle.

Luke clambers in after him, and then they’re alone in utter darkness, the trunk closing solidly above. Luke hugs Reid to him, their legs tangled together, bodies flush in the cramped space. He wants to weep, pouring out the grief and loss and disbelief and utter _joy_.

But he can’t.

Because Reid is trembling in his arms, breath ragged against the side of Luke’s neck. And now, Luke will be strong.

He tightens his hold, lips at Reid’s ear. “I’ve got you. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

A sob escapes Reid’s lips as the car shifts into gear. He quivers in the darkness, tears dampening Luke’s skin. “I’m here. I’m here,” Luke repeats, running his hand over the short hair on Reid’s head. He wants to tell Reid to think about brains, but as his fingers touch the raised scars on Reid’s scalp, he only repeats, “I found you.”

The car slows, and Luke knows they must be back at the gate. He has no idea how his absence will be explained, but soon he hears the low tones of Damian’s voice. He can’t make out what he’s saying; doesn’t care, as long as it works. He doesn’t want the guard to be hurt, although at this point, Luke thinks he would kill the man with his bare hands if it meant Reid’s freedom.

Reid clings to him in the blackness, and Luke presses kisses to Reid’s neck as he strokes his back gently. It occurs to him again that this is all in his mind, and in the cold dark, he imagines he is back by the lake, sinking into the snow and ice, closing his eyes forever.

But then the car is moving again, driving away at a normal speed, with no sounds of pursuers, no tires squealing. They rumble along, and Luke whispers steadily as he holds Reid, who shivers still. “Safe now. I’m here. You’re going to be okay. Love you. I’ve got you.”

Before too long, Damian pulls the car over and they’re released from the trunk. Reid breathes the frigid night air deeply, hanging onto Luke as they climb into the back seat. Luke sits, Reid’s head in his lap, and they stare at each other in the dim glow of passing street lights, fingers entwined fiercely.

Damian and Marco are silent as the miles pass, and eventually Reid’s eyes grow heavy. Luke kisses his forehead. “Sleep. We’re almost home.”

*

As he wakes, Luke is aware of another person in his bed, warm and soft and snoring lightly. Then he remembers, and his heart skips a beat as his stomach clenches. He opens his eyes, muttering a prayer that he’ll truly see Reid beside him. In the predawn, the moonlight waning, he can make out Reid’s slack face, resting on the pillow.

They’re huddled together in the middle of the huge bed, breath mingling, bodies close. Reaching out slowly, Luke rests his palm against Reid’s chest, feeling a steady thump there beneath flannel. He doesn't know whose heart it is, and doesn't care, as long as it keeps beating.

Reid had woken with a jolt when they’d arrived at the house, breathing rapidly until he was assured Luke was still there, and that they were safe. He didn’t struggle as they helped him upstairs, and Luke dressed him in a pair of pyjamas before putting on his own and crawling into bed.

Damian had knocked softly on the door and brought in a tray carrying bottles of water and bowls of soup. He assured Luke that he and Marco were securing Reid’s safety, and not to worry, so Luke doesn’t. In this — and maybe more, now — he trusts Damian utterly.

After Luke propped Reid up with a few pillows, he’d held the water bottle for him as Reid coughed and choked, his throat raw and dry. Reid nodded vigorously when Luke asked if he was hungry, and he swallowed every spoonful of the clear broth Luke fed him, emptying both bowls.

Then, and now, watching Reid sleep beside him, Luke is struck by how absolutely, incredibly surreal it all is. He pinches himself, nails sharp on his own skin, but Reid doesn’t disappear.

He knows he should let Reid sleep, but Luke can’t resist touching him, running his hands tenderly over Reid’s back, feeling him warm and solid and _alive_ beneath his touch. Reid’s eyelashes flutter and his breathing hitches. He opens his eyes, and stares at Luke for a long moment, reaching out to touch Luke’s lips.

When he speaks, his voice is little more than a rasp. “Are you real?”

Luke kisses the inside of Reid’s wrist. “Are you?”

“I don’t know.” Reid’s face darkens. “I don’t know,” he repeats.

“You are. You _are_.” Luke kisses him softly.

“Must be dreaming.”

“Then we’re both dreaming.” He caresses Reid’s cheek. “You can have anything you want.”

Reid’s eyes close briefly, and the ghost of a smile crosses his lips. “Don’t think I have the strength.”

Luke laughs — he _laughs_ , and the happiness in this moment is overwhelming, so warm his chest. “What’s number two on the list?”

“Shower.”

“As you wish.”

Luke’s arm is snug around Reid’s waist as they make their way to the bathroom. After the water is running and they’re both undressed, Luke steps into the tub, carefully helping Reid in after him. They stand under the powerful spray of hot water, arms wrapped around each other. Their bones are too prominent, bodies too frail. But they’re alive, and that’s all that matters.

It’s the first time they’ve been naked together, yet it feels more intimate than sexual. Luke massages shampoo into Reid’s hair, which is just starting to curl, and Reid moans softly as he leans into Luke’s touch. While the conditioner sets in, Luke washes the rest of Reid’s body, rubbing him everywhere with a sponge, scrubbing gently, removing the traces of the laboratory. The _prison._

He breathes Reid in deeply, that distinctive scent that has slowly faded from Reid’s shirts, which hang in a thick, protective bag in Luke’s closet. He’s only unzipped the bag when the need became too great, aware that the air will leech Reid from the fabric inexorably.

Yet now Reid is in Luke’s arms, and he inhales sharply, desperate to drink him in, climb into his skin and stay there.

Reid’s legs begin to waver, and Luke rinses him under the stream of water, holding Reid’s shoulders firmly. But when he reaches to turn off the tap, Reid shakes his head and tugs Luke down with him. “Stay.”

They curl together on the bottom of the tub under the spray of hot water, limbs entwined, steam thick in the air. In this cocoon, they rest, eyes shut, chins on each other’s shoulders.

When Reid speaks, it's barely a whisper. “I don’t want to wake up.”

Luke presses his lips to Reid’s skin, and prays they never will.


	5. Chapter 5

When he wakes alone, Luke has a few moments of panic that tear into his skin with teeth sharp and unrelenting. He’s reaching out for Reid as he opens his eyes, and he jolts up to a sitting position. As his breath lodges in his throat, he sees the empty mattress beside him and presses his hands against the faint warmth there.

There’s a sound from the bathroom, and Luke stumbles out of bed, the sheet tangled around his feet. The bathroom door is shut, and Luke shoves it open, the adrenaline racing in his veins. Reid is there — _alive, alive, alive_ — by the toilet, leaning over it on his knees. He’s taken off his flannel pyjama shirt, and sweat glistens on his skin. He glances over at Luke silently.

“I’m sorry. I thought…” Luke doesn’t know what he thought. He doesn’t know how this is real. How Reid is really here. _Alive_. “Are you all right?”

Reid nods, and his voice is still little more than a croak. “Ate too much. Not used to it.”

After the shower, they’d slept again for a few hours before Damian had knocked quietly to check on them. He offered to make breakfast, and Reid’s eyes had lit up almost comically bright. Damian brought up buttered toast, telling Reid he should go slowly with solid food, but Reid barely breathed, swallowing mouthful after mouthful.

Luke gave his toast to Reid and drank a glass of orange juice. He thought about whether Damian would give him a tiny shot of vodka ( _just a little_ ), but he couldn’t leave Reid to go ask. He didn’t need it anyway. _He doesn’t need it._

They’d dozed again contentedly, but now there are tremors in Luke’s hands, and Reid’s stomach is in mutiny. Luke hovers over him. “Are you…all those machines they had you hooked up to. Do you need any of them? Do you need medicine?”

“No.” Reid coughs and rubs his face. “I’ll be fine. Just not used to eating and drinking.” He smiles weakly. “But it’s worth it. To taste again.”

“As long as you’re sure. There was…they had something in your mouth.”

Reid glances away. “It was part of a respirator.”

Worry springs to life in Luke’s gut and he clenches his shaking fingers into a fist. “Can you breathe okay without it?” Reid’s breathing seems fine to Luke, but he’s no expert.

“It wasn’t hooked up. I don’t need it.”

“Then why…” Luke remembers how Reid pulled the plastic out of his mouth, how he could speak when it was gone. “It was a gag.” He feels lightheaded and nauseous, and thinks he might be vomiting next.

Reid still looks away. “I asked too many questions.” He flushes the toilet and gets to his feet while Luke steps back to give him space.

When Reid reaches for the blue glass, Luke stays his hand. “Don’t. It’s broken.”

Reid stares between Luke and the glass. “Why are you keeping it?”

“I’m going to fix it.”

Reid nods after a moment, and cups his hands under the tap, drinking noisily. Luke manages to undo the lids on his bottles, and once he’s alone, he lines up the pills. Carefully filling his glass, he sips from it gingerly as he washes down the capsules. It’s past noon, and he should have taken them before breakfast, but it’s better than nothing.

In the bedroom, Reid lies on the bed, staring across the room at the glass wall. “Where are we?”

“My house. I bought it a couple of months ago.” Luke climbs back into bed beside Reid and pulls up the duvet.

“Near Oakdale?” Reid’s gaze is still on the lake and trees.

“Not far.”

“What day is it?”

Luke frowns. “I don’t know. I’ll have to ask Damian.”

“But it’s…2011.”

Luke concentrates on speaking normally, and he has to take a steadying breath first. “Yes. Think it’s February now.”

Reid exhales slowly and closes his eyes.

Reaching out, Luke gently places his palm over Reid’s chest. “What did they do to you?”

Reid tenses. “I’m tired.”

There’s a knock at the door, and Luke tells Damian to come in. Damian has a couple more bottles of water that he places on the bedside table. “I’ve made arrangements with a local hospital in Brookfield. About an hour’s drive. We’ll go tonight and get some tests done. Whatever is necessary. Discretion and swift results guaranteed.”

“Thank you.” There’s a real comfort in Damian taking care of everything. Luke likes the feeling.

Reid speaks up, eyes open again. “Maybe you’re not such a bad dad after all.”

Damian smiles ruefully, and Luke feels a pang of guilt. “What he means is—”

“I know what he means, Luciano.” Damian steps closer and ruffles Luke’s hair. “You both rest. Let me know if you need anything.” He leaves, closing the door softly behind him.

Reid watches Luke closely with a troubled expression. Luke’s smile is shaky. “What?”

“You don’t have to stay in bed all day with me. I’m okay. The sedatives will be out of my system soon.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Luke inches closer and kisses him lightly. “I’m going to be right here.”

Reid nods and closes his eyes, but opens them a moment later. “Did I say it?”

“Say what?”

“It was in the parking lot. Before…” Reid caresses Luke’s cheek. “Did I tell you?”

_There. I said it._

“Yes.” Luke brushes their lips together. “You told me.”

“Hard to know what’s real.”

“I love you, too. That’s real.” Luke pulls Reid close, and Reid rests his head on Luke’s chest, arm draped across Luke’s stomach as he drifts away.

*

When they leave to go to the hospital that night, Marco materializes out of the darkness. His cheeks are flush with the cold, and he wears thick winter gear that wouldn’t be out of place in the Arctic Circle. He climbs into the passenger seat of Damian’s car without comment.

Reid and Luke sit in the back, hands clasped against the cold leather seat. Reid runs his thumb over Luke’s skin absently. Although he’s slept much of the day, Reid still seems groggy, and Luke wants to pull him into his lap so he can rest. But he doesn’t, deciding it’s better to let Reid take the lead.

Reid had insisted on getting dressed for this excursion, and Luke retrieved a black button-down shirt and jeans from the bag of Reid’s clothing in the closet. Although Juliana had dropped off a wide variety of clothing and necessities for Reid that afternoon, Luke thought he might be comforted to wear something from before.

As he’d unzipped the bag, Luke’s gaze was drawn to the back of the closet, and then before he knew it, he was down on his hands and knees, scrabbling desperately as he searched in vain. _Just a sip_. His head hurt and he ached all over, a feeling he remembered well from previous times he stopped drinking. He cursed Damian for his fucking efficiency.

Then he’d shaken his head sharply, causing a bolt of pain in his left temple. “No. No more. Don’t need it. Not now,” he muttered.

“Luke?”

Luke snaps to attention to find Damian watching him in the rear-view mirror. “Yeah. I’m fine.” It’s a rote answer that he gives reflexively. He swallows hard and wills himself to stop thinking about how much easier it would be with just one drink.

Damian simply nods and returns to his conversation with Marco. Luke listens sporadically, catching the odd word he understands. When he hears “Invicta,” though, he speaks up. “What about them?”

Damian hesitates, and Reid says, “They think Invicta might try to get me back. That they spent a lot of money on me. On this research.”

There’s a moment of silence, with only the sound of the tires crunching on snow as they round a bend in the dark country road. Luke smiles. “I didn’t know you spoke Italian.” He’s warmed by the fact that he has a second chance to learn more about Reid. That he won’t have to read these things in a file.

“I speak five languages.” Reid states it matter-of-factly, with none of his usual pride or boastfulness. To Damian, he asks, “Did I miss any salient facts? It’s been a while.”

“You understood perfectly. Marco has assembled a security team for the property. You’ll likely never even see them, but they’ll be there in case Invicta should make an attempt to retrieve you, Dr. Oliver.”

“You think they will?” Luke’s heart skips a beat at the thought, and he realizes he’s squeezing Reid’s hand too hard.

“We’re just being prepared, Luciano.”

“Thank you,” Reid says. He strokes Luke’s hand once more with his thumb, and Luke loosens his grip.

“Of course. Anything you need, you only have to ask,” Damian replies as he turns onto the highway.

Brookfield General Hospital is small and unassuming. Visiting hours are over and they pass few people in the hallways as a short and stout older man in a suit leads them to the third floor. Reid refuses a wheelchair and walks very slowly, Luke’s arm around him firmly.

The man clears his throat nervously. “The technicians are ready and waiting. The MRI, CT and x-ray machines are all on this floor, so it won’t take long, Mr. Grimaldi.”

“CT?” Reid asks, his voice small. “Do that last.”

“Why?” Luke frowns, and then belatedly understands. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there the whole time.” Being enclosed in the cylinder of the CT machine will be torture for Reid.

“You can’t be there. I’m fine.”

The man in the suit speaks up. “You can sit with the technician and speak to…the patient through a microphone.”

Reid nods before Luke can reply. “Let’s just get it all done.” He takes a step, and wavers. Luke grabs for him as Damian smoothly catches Reid’s arm.

Damian’s tone is firm. “I think a wheelchair will be needed after all.”

Marco, who shed his outdoor gear in the car, stands guard nearby as Reid is subjected to a battery of tests. Luke stays as close to Reid as he’s permitted, and tries to stay in Reid’s sightline. Reid endures it all silently, seeming to withdraw into himself in a way that twists Luke’s stomach painfully.

Luke is banished from the room during the x-rays, and paces right outside as he waits. After a minute, Damian squeezes Luke’s shoulder gently. “Luciano. Please sit down.”

“I’m fine.” Luke tries to shrug him off.

“You are the furthest thing from fine. While we are here, I’d like for you to have some tests as well.”

“What? No! I’m not leaving Reid.” Luke shakes his head, disbelieving. “Damian, he’s…he’s really here. He’s really alive. And he needs me.”

“Yes. He does, very much. This is why you must get healthy. No more drinking, Luciano. I’ve poured out the bottles and will give you not a drop more. If I must, I will take you somewhere to get sober. And it would make me very happy if you allowed a few tests tonight.”

“No. I’m not leaving him.”

Damian sighs, relenting. “Then you know what you must do.”

“I know.” Luke nods. He will be strong. _He will be better._ “I still…I can’t believe this is really happening.”

Damian smiles softly. “I confess I never expected to find him, Luciano. _La vita è piena di sorprese._ It means—”

“Life has a lot of surprises.”

“Yes.” Damian’s gaze is tender. “That’s right.”

Luke reaches up and hugs Damian tightly. “Thank you.”

“It is I who is grateful, Luciano.” He kisses the top of Luke’s head.

For a moment, Luke closes his eyes and lets go, leaning into his father’s warm embrace.

*

The headlights illuminate snow-covered trees as they make their way back to the lake along the deserted road. Reid has said nothing since going in for the CT scan, and sat in the wheelchair afterward without argument.

In the backseat, he hunches over, head in his hands. Luke rests his palm on Reid’s back, powerless to do anything but let his presence be known. Damian and Marco are silent until they reach Luke’s laneway, when Marco speaks into a small communicator, informing the security detail that they’ve arrived.

As he steps from the car, Luke peers into the trees, listening for any signs of life. A light snow falls, and all is absolutely still. Yet he knows the guards are out there. He finds it strangely reassuring, when usually he would rebel against Damian’s overprotection.

Damian offers to make a late supper, but Reid shakes his head, and Luke helps him upstairs to his darkened room. Reid sits on the side of the bed, breathing deeply through his nose, eyes squeezed shut. He’s ashen in the faint moonlight.

“Are you all right?” It’s a foolish question, but Luke doesn’t know what else to ask.

Reid nods slightly, eyes still closed. Luke kneels at his feet and begins undoing the buttons on Reid’s shirt. The full body CT scan had taken twenty-five excruciating minutes, enclosing him in a cylinder with little space to even breathe. Luke had blathered on during the scan, sitting in the control room and watching through the window.

He has no idea now what he talked about. He’d just wanted Reid to hear his voice and know he was there. “Sorry if I sounded like an idiot before.” Luke opens Reid’s shirt and slides it over his shoulders.

Reid looks at him. “When?”

“During the CT. I was probably really annoying, going on and on about nothing. I think I was talking about horses and stuff from when I was a kid.”

“Pepper.”

“What?”

“That was your horse’s name. Pepper. Because he was black and white.”

“Yeah. Pepper. He was my favourite.” Luke takes Reid’s hand in his.

“It was good. Hearing you. Reminded me that I’m not…there.” He swallows thickly. “I keep waiting to wake up on that gurney.”

Luke traces the red scar down the middle of Reid’s chest with his fingertips. “You’re here.” He leans forward and presses his lips to the marked skin. “You’re here, and I’m never letting you go.”

Reid wraps his arms around Luke, holding him close for a long moment. Then they finish undressing and go to sleep, huddled together under the duvet.

When Luke wakes in the dead of the night, he’s alone on his side of the large bed. He’s not sure what woke him until Reid moans again. He’s curled into himself, his back to Luke, shaking in the throes of a nightmare. He mutters. “No. No, no, no.”

Luke reaches for him, and as he makes contact, Reid lashes out, struggling against Luke as he gasps for air. Pain explodes in Luke’s jaw, and he tastes blood as he bites his tongue.

“Reid!” Luke grapples with him, surprised by Reid’s panic-driven strength. “Wake up. Wake up!”

Reid opens his eyes, and his gaze is wild as he sucks in air, his body tensed. Then he focuses on Luke, and the fight drains away. Luke soothes his palm over Reid’s head. “It was only a dream.” He leans away to turn on the lamp on the side table.

“No.” Reid’s voice is raw. “No light.”

Luke rolls back towards him. “Okay.” Ignoring the heat and pain in his jaw, he caresses Reid, running his hand over his chest. He can feel the hammering of the heart that beats there.

Reid breathes heavily, and Luke stays quiet, touching him gently. When Reid’s breathing slows, he speaks again. “It was always so bright.”

“In the lab?”

Reid nods. “I never knew what time it was. If it was night or day. I guessed, but I never knew. It was just…endless.” He stares over Luke’s shoulder, gaze unfocused once more.

The rage claws at Luke’s insides, and he wants to scream and shout and kill at the thought of what Reid has suffered. But he takes a deep breath instead, and makes sure his voice is even. “Did they hurt you?”

He can see Reid withdraw as the question hangs in the air, and Luke wishes he could take it back. He hangs onto Reid, not letting him turn away. “It’s over now.” Tipping Reid’s face towards his, he kisses him softly. “You’re safe.”

*

Luke winces as light fingers touch his throbbing and tender jaw. He opens his eyes and is awake instantly with a rush of adrenaline when he takes in the stricken expression on Reid’s face. “Reid?” He reaches for him instinctively.

“I hurt you.” Reid’s focus is zeroed in on Luke’s jaw.

“No, no. I’m fine. It was an accident. You were having a nightmare. Remember?” Truthfully it hurts like hell, and he suspects a bruise is darkening his face.

“I’m sorry. I never wanted…God.”

“Shh. It’s all right.”

Reid’s eyes are sharper this morning, and he seems less foggy. He watches Luke closely and snakes his hand under Luke’s t-shirt, tracing Luke’s too-prominent ribs. Then his fingers find the scar that slices across Luke’s side. He fixes him with an intent stare. “When did you start again?”

Luke’s pulse increases, and his palms tingle. “What?”

It’s like Reid sees right through him. He traces the scar. “You’re drinking.”

“No.” The denial springs to Luke’s lips easily; second nature after all these years of falling on and off the wagon. But he has to look away, and a flush creeps up his neck.

“Luke.” Reid moves his other hand to Luke’s face, stroking his cheek.

Luke whispers. “I just couldn’t. Without you, it was…I couldn’t.” He blinks rapidly, and Reid thumbs away a tear. “I tried so hard. I did.”

“I know.”

“But every day was like falling a bit farther away.” He takes a shuddering breath. “I watched you die. You _died_.”

Reid kisses him once, then again, and their mouths open, tongues sliding together, stroking and tasting. Reid grips Luke’s side, and Luke’s head spins and his jaw aches, and he wonders when any of this will start to feel truly real. When Reid pulls back, they both take a breath. “You have to stop, Luke.”

He nods jerkily. “I did. I haven’t had anything since we found you. I stopped. I’m fine. I’m fine now.”

“You have to be. I don’t know what I’d do.”

“You’ll never have to find out. I promise.”

Reid leans close, and, with the barest touch, kisses Luke’s tender jaw.

There’s a soft knock at the door, and Damian calls out, “Luciano? It’s almost noon. You both must be hungry.”

Luke calls back. “We’ll come down soon.”

“I heard from the hospital. The courier will arrive shortly with the test results.”

Beside him, Reid tenses and moves away, and Luke’s empty stomach churns. “Okay. Thanks.” He turns to Reid, who is gingerly making his way out of bed. “Are you hungry?” Luke tries to smile. “Stupid question, right? Dr. Reid Oliver is always hungry.”

Reid only nods absently as he walks to the bathroom. He closes the door behind him, and Luke listens to the water running, wondering what he should say or do. He shudders as the desire to drink seizes him. _Just one. One more. Then it’ll be okay. Then everything will be okay_.

As a loud knock echoes from downstairs, Luke grits his teeth. _He will be strong._


	6. Chapter 6

Damian’s eyes widen as Luke enters the kitchen. “ _Che cazzo_! What happened?”

Luke holds up his hand. “I’m fine. It was an accident.”

“How did this happen?”

“I just…it was an accident. It doesn’t matter.”

Damian tightens his jaw, and his voice rises. “He did this to you?”

“Shh. He’ll hear you.” The bruise darkens the right side of Luke’s jaw, which is also slightly swollen. “He had a nightmare, and I was waking him up. He didn’t mean to hit me.”

Damian is already removing a package of frozen peas from the freezer. He wraps a dish towel around it. “You’re sure of this?”

“ _Yes_. He already feels terrible about it, so don’t make him feel worse.”

Damian holds the impromptu ice pack to Luke’s face. “All right. But you will tell me if you think he might be a danger to you.”

Huffing, Luke snatches away the peas. “Don’t be ridiculous.” He presses the package to his jaw.

“Luciano.” Damian lowers his voice. “Reid has suffered a terrible trauma. I have no doubt he would not intend to purposefully harm you, but we have no idea the damage that has been done to him. How it has changed him.”

“I told you. He was having a nightmare. He was asleep, and he didn’t know who I was. Don’t make more of it than it is.”

The floorboards on the stairs creak, and Luke hurries out of the kitchen and down the hall to make sure Reid doesn’t slip. Reid waves him off, just as he did when Luke tried to help him dress. Reid wears jeans and a faded Harvard sweatshirt that Luke folded carefully when he and Katie packed up Reid’s things.

The test results sit in a neat stack on the kitchen table. They all sit, and Reid goes through them one by one, his eyes scanning the data quickly before he places each piece of paper face down to his right. He says nothing, and his expression is only one of concentration.

Luke and Damian exchange worried glances, and Luke’s leg jiggles under the table, his knee bouncing up and down like a jackhammer. As Reid turns over the last report and straightens the edges of the papers, Luke can’t stay quiet any longer. “Well?”

Reid’s face remains impassive. “Everything’s fine. Iron level is low. I haven’t recovered my full strength after the surgeries. But not being bedridden will help.” He picks up the reports and shuffles through them. “Rest of the blood work came back normal, and they were very thorough in testing for every possibility. Much to my surprise, given that pathetic hospital’s in a town even smaller than Oakdale and the doctors probably paid for their degrees online.”

Despite his worry, Luke chuckles. It feels _so good_ to hear Reid dishing out insults.

Reid goes on, his focus on the reports. “MRI and CT didn’t show any abnormalities. I’m fine.”

“Your heart?” It feels wrong to call it Reid’s, but Luke supposes it is now, for better or worse.

“Whatever it is, seems to be doing its job.”

Damian speaks up. “Do you believe it is artificial?”

“Partly, I think.”

“Is that why you don’t need anti-rejection meds?” Luke has wondered, but hasn’t asked until now.

Reid doesn’t look at him. “Maybe. I’m not sure yet.”

Luke reaches for the other envelope that was delivered, this one much larger. “What about the x-rays?”

Reid shifts it out of Luke’s grasp. “I’ll look at them later.”

Tension is suddenly heavy in the air, and Luke isn’t sure why. “Okay. So…this is all good news, right? You’re okay.” He smiles, since they should be smiling. “You’re okay.”

Reid nods, but can’t seem to smile in return. “Everything seems normal for now.”

“For now?” The anxiety coiled through Luke’s body flares. “If you’re not okay, you can tell me. You need to tell me. Please.”

“I would.” Reid takes Luke’s hand, squeezing gently as he gazes intently into Luke’s eyes. “Everything looks normal. That’s the truth.”

Luke exhales. “Then why are you upset?”

Reid’s eyes flick over to the envelope holding the x-rays. Letting go of Luke, he opens the seal and removes a series of large films. After pushing back his chair, he moves slowly to the sink. Gripping the side of the counter with one hand, he lifts the films up to the window with the other.

Luke recognizes the shapes of arms and legs as Reid goes through the films. The x-ray of his chest holds his attention for longer than the previous ones, and Luke peers at it from his seat, barely resisting the urge to join Reid by the window. He doesn’t want to be overbearing.

When Reid holds up the x-ray of his brain, he makes a soft noise in his throat. Luke knows from the scars on Reid’s scalp that Invicta, or whoever they are, operated on Reid’s brain, but he can’t imagine why. “Reid?”

Lowering the films, Reid takes a deep breath and blows it out. “I can’t tell.”

“What?” Luke’s voice is barely above a whisper, and Damian is like stone beside him.

“They cut my brain, and I don’t know why.” Reid’s tone is flat, and when he turns away from the window, his face betrays no emotion. “I can’t tell.”

“But as long as you’re okay, that’s all that matters.”

After a long moment, Reid nods. “I’m tired. I’m going to lie down for a bit.”

“I’ll go with you.” Luke pushes his chair back.

“No. It’s fine. You must be sick of all this sleeping.” He tries to smile. “I’m okay. Really.”

Luke is about to object, to say that all he cares about is being close to Reid, but Damian stops him with a firm grip on Luke’s arm. “Luciano can help me prepare dinner. The sauce needs to cook for several hours.”

Reid nods again, and Luke listens to him retreat down the hall, and to his careful steps on the stairs. He exhales when Reid seems to reach the top safely.

“Give him some time.” Damian pats Luke’s arm. “Come now. You can peel the vegetables.”

Luke is still listening to be sure Reid doesn’t stumble or fall, and he creeps to the bottom of the stairs. After a few beats of silence, the floorboards creak, and the next sound he hears is the catch of the bedroom door as it closes.

*

As the shock begins to wear off, they settle into a routine. Damian has a home gym installed in one of the spare bedrooms, complete with state-of-the-art treadmill, reclining bike, free weights and a weight station with pulleys and plates and various attachments.

A thirtyish physiotherapist named Tony — who is Marco’s cousin and completely trustworthy, Luke is assured — creates exercise plans for Reid and Luke, and arrives daily to oversee their progress. Luke had protested at first that he didn’t need the same attention as Reid, but Damian had silenced him with a look that left no room for argument.

A week later, Luke has to admit that he feels better than he has in a long time. He takes his pills every morning and hasn’t had a drink. The headaches and shakes are less frequent, and he’s gained several pounds from all of Damian’s cooking.

Reid is already stronger, and he eagerly eats as much food as possible, which Luke finds deeply reassuring. It’s comforting, this little piece of normalcy. Reid is still quiet much of the time, spending long hours examining the x-ray and CT scan of his brain. Luke has no idea what to say, and is afraid whatever he does say will be wrong.

They don’t discuss what happened, or the fact that they haven’t told anyone that Reid is still alive. _Alive again_. Luke figures they will when the time is right. Reid had asked about Katie and Chris, and seemed pleased to hear that they were well, and that the transplant was a success. Then he went back to examining a neurology textbook, one of a long list of medical books, journals and reports he’d asked Damian to acquire.

Reid still tires easily, and naps most afternoons. While Damian has hushed conversations with Marco that are too rapid for Luke to translate in his head, Luke finds himself back at the window, looking out over the lake. His glass now holds water, or sometimes juice. Luke closes his eyes and remembers the sweet burn of the vodka, and trembles with wanting.

At night, he and Reid always reach for each other, and they huddle together, saying everything they need to with simple warmth and nearness. Their kisses are sweet and tender, and there’s no fire in their caresses yet. Luke thinks he’ll know when the time is right, and Reid is strong enough.

The bruise on Luke’s face fades, and when Reid has nightmares — which is most nights — Luke is always careful not to get too close when he wakes him. Reid trembles in his arms, and Luke talks of nonsense and childhood memories in a low voice until Reid sleeps again.

As they eat bowls of minestrone soup one evening in the dining room, Damian clears his throat. “Marco and I will be leaving in the morning. There are some questions we need to ask of certain people of interest. We believe they may have some valuable information.”

“Who? Doctors? I need to talk to them. I’m coming.” Reid leans forward, eyes bright.

“No, not doctors. But these are people we believe worked on the project or were certainly aware of it. Since we took you from the facility in Chicago, they have tightened security considerably in many aspects. There was also a fire in the basement of that building. An electrical fault, the newspaper said.”

“I want to talk to them anyway.”

“I promise you will have the chance when the time is right. The investigation has proven…challenging. But we’re doing all we can.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Reid.” Luke glances between him and his father. “If it wasn’t for Damian, I don’t know if I’d have been able to get you out. He’s only trying to help.”

Reid rubs a hand over his face. “I know. I just…”

“I understand, Dr. Oliver. I would surely feel the same way.”

“Would you stop calling me that?” Reid snaps.

“Of course, Reid.” Damian turns to Luke. “Marco has instructed the security team. I will leave you the radio should you need to speak with them.”

Luke nods. “You’ll call if you find out anything?”

“Yes, Luciano.”

They all go back to finishing their soup, the only sound that of spoons against china. When he’s done with his bowl, Reid speaks. “Good soup. So…thanks. _Damian_.”

Damian smiles. “Call me dad.”

There’s a moment of silence, and then all three of them are laughing. Luke almost snorts out the soup he was swallowing, which just makes them laugh even harder, and Luke feels flush with warmth and happiness as they start in on the main course.

*

Damian’s only been gone for an hour the next morning when Luke’s phone rings. Even though he knows there can’t be any news yet, he still grabs his phone eagerly. He looks at the display and grimaces, since he’s been avoiding his family and the outside world more than usual. But he’s compelled to answer this time. “Hey, Faith.”

She doesn’t waste time with niceties. “Are you coming tonight?”

“Tonight?” Luke thinks back. It’s been twelve days since he found Reid, and the time before that is an empty void, utterly blank.

Faith sighs loudly. “I knew you’d forget. Mom said you wouldn’t, and not to bother you, but I knew it.”

“Forget what?”

“God, Luke. You know, we’re still here. You can’t just forget the rest of us. We haven’t forgotten you. I’m amazed you actually answered the phone this time.”

“Faith…” Luke watches Reid across the living room, studying the x-ray, a pile of textbooks open beside him. “I know I’ve been kind of…”

She sighs again, softly this time, the sharp edges smoothed from her tone. “It’s Nat’s birthday. Luke, she’ll be so upset if you don’t come. She’s talked about it all week, how you’re going to be there and take her to the barn to play with the horses like you always…like you used to.”

The last time Luke saw Faith and Natalie, they’d bickered endlessly, Faith peevish and impatient with her younger sister at her heels. Luke feels a surge of affection, followed quickly by guilt. “I really want to come. It’s just…”

He glances at Reid again, and now Reid is looking back. He mouths, “ _Go_.”

Luke is itchy with panic at the thought, and he shakes his head sharply, his heart racing.

“Hello? Luke?”

“I’m here. I’m sorry, Faithy, but I can’t come.”

Reid stands up, nodding, and whispers, “ _Go_.”

“Why? Why not?” Faith sounds distressingly close to tears. “Please? Just for a bit. An hour. Ten minutes. Anything.”

Luke takes a breath, telling himself it’ll be okay, and Reid nods again. The guards are outside. Nothing will happen to Reid. He’s safe. _He’s real_. “Okay. I’ll be there. See you tonight.”

As he hangs up, he exhales slowly and looks at Reid. “Maybe we could…you could come with me. We won’t stay long, but we could tell them.”

Reid glances away and retreats back to the couch. “Not yet. I don’t…not yet, okay?”

“Okay.” Part of Luke wants to shout it from the rooftops that Reid is alive. _He’s alive_. But then he imagines the questions that will come — the attention — and he wants to hide Reid away forever.

The farm is a half hour’s drive away, and as Luke gets dressed late that afternoon, he calculates the minutes he’ll be gone. From the kitchen, he radios the security team, telling them that he’ll be away for a short time and that no one else is expected.

“Stay as long as you like.” Reid walks in — much steadier on his feet already thanks to the physio — and goes to the fridge for a snack.

“It’ll be boring, Reid. It’s a kid’s birthday party. Not exactly my scene.”

“Yes it is.”

Luke scoffs. “Oh yeah, pin the tail on the donkey and balloon animals. Fun.”

“Not for me, but for you? Yep.” Reid sits at the table with a carton of ice cream and a spoon. “I’ll be fine, Luke. Go see your family.”

There are so many things Luke wants to say. Instead he simply nods, and ten minutes later he’s driving away from the lake, Reid’s kiss lingering on his lips.

The farm is reassuring in its sameness. The smells and sounds; the feel of the worn wood of the kitchen table beneath his fingertips. When he walks in, Natalie shrieks and flies into his arms. She’s soft and warm and pink, and Luke hugs her tightly. Everyone makes a fuss over him except Faith, who simply kisses his cheek and whispers, “Thanks.”

Lily hugs and kisses him, her smile tremulous. “It’s so good to see you, sweetie.” She touches his face and hair, as if to reassure herself he’s really there, and Luke is full of love for her in that moment. “You look like you’re eating more. Are you eating more?”

For a change, Luke doesn’t have to lie, and he smiles. “Yeah, I’m eating more. I’m okay, Mom. I missed you.” He hugs her again.

The whole family is there, including Carly, Jack, Sage, Parker, and even JJ, back from boarding school in some cloud of scandal that Luke doesn’t even try to understand. Holden claps Luke on the shoulder, his smile bright, and Ethan babbles on about cake, holding fast to Luke’s hand.

After the months of solitude and silence at the lake, the noise and energy of his family is overwhelming. Although he’s genuinely happy to see them, Luke has to duck out after a bit and catch his breath. He goes outside to avoid the living room, where he knows bottles of alcohol sit on an antique bureau.

He hunches his shoulders against the cold, but the wind is gentle as he makes his way to the pond. Standing by the shore, he thinks about Reid, and wonders whose ashes float beneath the ice and snow. The desire to speed back home to make sure Reid’s all right is overpowering, and he has to force himself to stay put.

“He’s fine. He’s okay. Everything’s okay.” Luke’s breath is a white cloud in the frigid air as he mutters and gazes out over the frozen pond. “He’s not here.”

“Luke?”

He turns to find Holden watching him with concern. “Dad. Hey. I didn’t hear you coming.”

“I was out getting some more firewood. Nat wants to have a bonfire.” He glances up at the sky. “It’s a good night for it. As good as it gets in February.”

Luke smiles. “Sounds fun.”

“You look good, Luke. Better than a few weeks ago. I’m glad to see it.”

“I’m feeling better.” _Reid’s alive. Everything’s okay now._

“Good.” Holden takes a breath and blows it out in a puff. “You know you can always talk to us, right? We’ve wanted…Luke, we know this has been a terrible time for you. And you need to grieve in your own way, and in your own time. We want to give you the space you need. The space you obviously want.”

“Dad…”

“I just hope you know we’re all here for you. Your mom, your grandmothers, Ethan and the girls. Abigail and Aaron said they’ve called you and left messages, but you never call back.” He holds up his hands. “And that’s okay. Just remember that we love you very much.”

The guilt of it all — the drinking, stopping his meds, letting Damian in, the secret of Reid — slices through Luke like a thousand knives. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

Holden envelops him in a hug that smells of wood smoke and hay and safety, and Luke clings to him. “I love you, Dad. I know you’re here for me. I know. You always have been.”

“Luuuuuke! Dad! Where are you?” Natalie’s voice calls out.

Holden chuckles, patting Luke on the back as he steps away. “Coming!” He squeezes Luke’s shoulder. “Okay?”

“Yeah, Dad. Thanks.” Luke smiles, and he doesn’t have to fake it.

By the time he’s driving back along the country road with a week’s worth of leftovers from his grandma, he’s been gone an hour longer than he planned. Snow falls in gentle wisps, and the icy patches on the road are even slicker than usual. He drums the wheel with his gloved fingers, and wishes he could call Reid to reassure himself. But Reid has Luke’s cell phone at the house in case of emergencies.

As the minutes tick by, the worry creeps back in, insinuating itself in the corners of his mind as Luke imagines all the things that could have gone wrong in his absence. He has to tell himself repeatedly to drive slowly and cautiously on the twisting road, resisting the urge to put his foot down and screech around corners. “He’s fine. Everything’s okay.” Luke’s voice trembles, and he grips the wheel. _Should never have gone._

Finally he skids to a stop in front of the dark house, slamming the car into park and tumbling out and up the stairs to the porch. The door is unlocked, and Luke runs in, breathless with fear. “Reid!”

“Luke.”

He races into the living room to find Reid sitting in one of the wing chairs by the fire. There are no lights on, and the glow of the flames flickers on Reid’s face. The relief washes over Luke, and when Reid reaches out his hand, Luke is there in only a few steps. He leans down and kisses Reid softly, their hands clasped. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself, Mr. Snyder.” Reid sniffs. “You kind of smell like hay, actually.”

Laughing softly, Luke kicks off his boots and tosses his coat toward the foyer. He’s about to sit in the other chair when Reid takes his hand again and tugs him near. Luke sits at his feet, legs curled, and rests his head in Reid’s lap.

The fire is warm at Luke’s back, and he sighs contentedly as Reid strokes his hair. His eyes grow heavy before long, and he’s drifting off as Reid begins to talk.

“When I woke up, I thought it was another hospital.”

Luke opens his eyes. He realizes Reid’s talking about the laboratory, and he curls his hand around Reid’s calf, sliding his palm up under the denim, rubbing gently. He doesn’t move his head from Reid’s lap, and doesn’t say anything. He waits.

“I was heavily sedated, especially at first. After the surgeries. Everything was a blur. Confusing. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t at Memorial, and I wondered…”

Luke waits a few seconds before asking, “What?”

“I wondered why you didn’t come.”

It’s like there’s a fist around his heart, and Luke raises his head. “They said you were dead. John, and Bob. Everyone. They said you were dead. I talked to you and touched you, but…you wouldn’t open your eyes. I believed them. They said you were gone.” He blinks back tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

Reid strokes Luke’s face. “I know. It’s not your fault. Not theirs either, John and Bob. I _was_ gone. I remember you, and then nothing.” His face darkens. “But then I was back. I don’t know how.”

“If I’d known…I should have known. I should have.”

Reid presses a kiss to Luke’s forehead. “There was no way you could have. It’s not your fault.” He makes sure Luke is looking at him. “Do you hear me? _It’s not your fault_.”

Luke nods, and Reid sits back. “When I could speak, they seemed surprised. I asked for you, asked where I was. I tried to get up, and that’s when they began strapping me down. I kept asking questions, and then they put that piece of the respirator in my mouth.”

He’s silent for a moment, and Luke holds his breath as he waits.

Reid swallows thickly, his gaze drifting. “I couldn’t move. Couldn’t talk. I just lay there, hooked up to all those machines. They never called me by name, only ‘Patient G.’ They wore surgical masks, so they were these faceless people, disembodied voices, poking and prodding, performing test after test. The only time I saw a face was when we were leaving. The woman in the hall. She was with me nearly every day, but I never knew what she looked like until then.”

Luke wonders if she’s dead after falling at Marco’s hand, and for a moment he hopes fervently that she is.

“I couldn’t stop them. I was just…helpless. Everything was out of my control. I was in so much pain, but they wouldn’t stop the tests. I started to think that maybe…maybe I was wrong. That there was a hell after all, and I’d spend forever on that gurney, powerless and alone.”

Luke hates them — whoever _they_ are — more than he has ever hated before. He wants to scream and shout and break things, but he doesn’t. He takes Reid’s hand, pressing his lips to Reid’s palm before entwining their fingers.

“As time went on, they started saying more around me. It’s like they forgot I could hear them, or that they didn’t think I could understand as much as I did. I stopped fighting them, even when the anaesthetic was wearing off and they were cutting me, and…” He stops and takes a breath.

Luke wants to put his head back in Reid’s lap and weep, but he just rubs Reid’s calf softly, and waits.

“As I healed from the surgeries, I understood more about the project. That I was their latest experiment. They talked about regeneration, and I started to believe I was alive after all.”

“Regeneration?”

“I don’t know how. It’s…it shouldn’t be possible. It _isn’t_ possible.”

“But here you are. Alive.”

Reid’s silent for a long moment. “I hope so.”

Luke rubs Reid’s leg and squeezes his hand. “You’re alive. Trust me.”

“I don’t know how they did it. I was the best neurosurgeon in the world, and I have no idea how they made the neurons fire again.”

“You’re still the best neurosurgeon in the world.”

He only sighs, his expression troubled. “Luke, I…”

“What? You can tell me anything.”

Reid’s silent, and after a few moments he shakes his head. When he goes on, he’s back in his memories. “It was like I was down there for years. I waited, and then one of them got distracted. She’d just wheeled me back from another room, and she got a phone call before fastening the restraints. So I slipped my wrists in, and hoped she’d forget to tighten them.”

Reid goes silent, lost in memory, eyes distant. Luke whispers, “And she did. And that was the night you called me.”

Reid looks at him, his fingers tracing Luke’s lips. “I’d repeated your number in my head over and over. When I heard your voice on the message…”

“What?”

A tiny smile lifts Reid’s lips. “I knew you’d come. No matter what it took. You’d come.”

Luke pushes up to his knees and takes Reid’s head in his hands, kissing him deeply. Reid kisses him back, their mouths open, tongues seeking. The warmth between them sparks into a flame, and they clutch at each other as the fire spreads.

Then in one movement, Reid is out of the chair, pressing Luke back against the stone hearth. Luke tingles from head to toe, his pulse racing with desire as his mind spins. He moans low in his throat at the weight of Reid’s body against his, and hooks one leg over Reid’s, drawing him closer as their hands roam.

They kiss desperately, panting as they get hard in their jeans, rocking their hips together. Luke wants to feel Reid’s skin against his, but he can’t stop moving, and as they rut together on the floor, he knows they won’t last long.

The friction is exquisite, and Reid steals his hand up beneath Luke’s sweater, squeezing and teasing Luke’s nipples. The ripples of pleasure go right to Luke’s rock-hard cock, and he moans. “Wanted you for so long.”

Reid gasps for breath, moving his face to Luke’s neck, sucking on the tender skin. “Love you.”

Luke thrusts up, his hand on Reid’s ass, pulling him down. “Always. _Always_.”

They both moan as they rub together with rapid movements, almost frantic as they breathe each other in. They drive towards completion, holding onto each other fiercely, and Luke knows he never, ever wants to let go. _Never will._

Then his balls tighten, and his orgasm rips out of him, crashing over his body in a wave of ecstasy. He shakes, the tremors of pleasure intense, and Reid groans, rubbing against Luke until he’s coming, too, shuddering and moaning Luke’s name.

Luke slips his hands beneath Reid’s sweatshirt, and strokes his back lightly as they catch their breath. Shifting some of his weight onto his hip, Reid caresses Luke’s chest and belly, his hand still under Luke’s sweater. He kisses Luke softly. Luke has to clear his throat before he can speak normally. “God.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s been so long. And with you, it’s…God.” Luke doesn’t think he’s ever come that hard before, and it was just from getting off like a couple of teenagers.

Reid peers at him. “There hasn’t been anyone since…?”

Luke has to laugh at the mere thought. “No. I couldn’t even touch myself. All I could think of was you. It hurt too much.”

“Luke…” Reid shakes his head, clearly troubled. “I don’t want that for you. I never want you to be alone.”

“I’m not. You’re here.” Luke kisses him, reaching a hand up to stroke Reid’s short hair. “You’re here, and you’re not going anywhere.”

Reid seems as if he wants to say something, and he looks at Luke with such tenderness as he grazes Luke’s cheek with his knuckles.

“You’re here,” Luke repeats.

Reid presses their lips together, and they close their eyes, kissing softly as the fire burns out, and the night settles in.

*

Luke wakes to the very pleasant sensation of Reid’s lips on his neck. He suckles the sensitive spot on Luke’s neck where this morning there is surely a mark. He’s pressed up close, his arm draped over Luke’s bare chest, fingers caressing lightly.

Wriggling his hips, Luke pushes back, and feels Reid’s growing hardness against his ass. Although Reid had been too tired to do anything else, they’d gone to bed naked, and Luke loves the feel of Reid’s body against his. He’s wondering how much more Reid has the energy for this morning when Reid speaks low in Luke’s ear.

“Have any lube?”

Luke shivers in anticipation. “No. But we’ll figure something out. Don’t need condoms. We’re both clean.” His cock twitches at the idea of having Reid inside him, nothing between them.

“Sure you’re ready?”

Luke rolls onto his back and gazes up at Reid. “I’m sorry I ever wanted to wait. That was the thing I regretted the most.”

A shadow crosses Reid’s face, and he kisses Luke softly. “No more regrets.”

The kiss deepens, and Luke pulls Reid on top of him. But a moment later, Reid lifts his head, body tense. “Did you hear that?”

“Huh?” Luke’s pulse is already racing at the thought that he and Reid are finally going to make love. “It’s nothing.” He leans up and slides his tongue into Reid’s mouth, fingers grasping Reid’s hair.

But then a car door slams, and it’s definitely something.

As male voices shout, and someone shrieks, Luke stumbles from bed to the window in one of the guest rooms that faces the laneway. Heart thumping, he peers out, his breath catching in his throat as he sees that three of the security guards have appeared from the trees and are converging on a woman, their guns drawn.

Hands raised, Katie looks around desperately. “ _Luke_!”


	7. Chapter 7

After yanking on some track pants and telling Reid to stay put, Luke hurtles down the stairs and out the front door. Ignoring the discomfort of the snow beneath his bare feet, he runs to Katie’s side. “Stop! She’s a friend. Put your guns away.”

The men follow orders immediately, nodding at him before disappearing back into the forest as quickly and silently as they surely appeared. Luke puts an arm around Katie’s trembling shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Are _you_? What the hell, Luke? Who were those men?”

“Come in. Everything’s fine, you don’t need to worry.”

“Well, I’m worrying.”

Inside, Luke shivers and rubs his arms as he leads Katie to the couch by the big living room window. “I’m sorry, Katie. I hope they didn’t scare you too much.”

Katie takes off her coat off and sits beside him on the smooth leather. “Right, why would I be scared by _men holding guns on me_? Who were they? What’s going on?”

“It’s Damian. He’s paranoid about some drama involving some other crime family in Malta. Thinks they might come after me. It’s just a precaution. No big deal.” The lie trips off his tongue far too easily.

“No big deal?”

Luke shrugs. “I’m a Grimaldi. I’m used to it.”

“Well, I’m not.” Katie exhales and rubs her face. “I was already worried about you out here all alone, and now this.”

“But I’m not alone. See? Armed guards. No need to worry.”

Katie chuckles reluctantly. “If you say so. I guess that’s what I get for dropping in unexpected.”

“What brings you out here anyway?”

“What do you think?” Katie slaps his bare arm lightly. “ _You_. I never see you anymore. I miss you.” She gazes around. “This place is beautiful. I can see why you like it out here.”

“It’s peaceful. But I do miss you, Katie. I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I’m working on a book. Just taking a break from…everything.”

Sadness flickers across Katie’s face. “I know how hard it is.”

“Yeah.” Luke can’t look at her. He wants to just blurt it all out, but he doesn’t. It’s Reid’s choice, not his.

There’s a noise from upstairs, and Katie’s gaze flicks upward. “Is someone here?”

“No. Of course not.” This lie doesn’t flow as smoothly, and Luke’s face flushes.

Katie takes in Luke’s bare chest and her eyes focus on the mark on his neck. “Oh. Oh!” She smiles widely. “Luke, that’s great!”

“There’s no one here, Katie.”

“Come on, you can tell me. Who is it? You know Reid wouldn’t want you pining forever. He’d—”

“There’s no one here!” Luke’s tone is harsher than he intends, and he’s unaccountably angry and upset at the very thought of being with someone else. “There’s never going to be anyone but Reid.”

Katie’s eyes well, and her tone is soft. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m just…”

“Luke…I miss him every day, and I know how hard it must be for you. How much harder. But he’s gone.”

Luke leans over, his face in his hands so he doesn’t have to look at her. “Katie…I’m not ready to move on yet.”

She rubs his back gently. “That’s okay. You take as long as you need. It really hurt me when Chris tried to rush it. We’d barely been on a date when he told me I should stop wearing my ring.”

Luke’s head shoots up. “What?” His dislike for Chris grows even deeper, which he wasn’t sure was possible. “He had no right to do that.”

“I know.” Katie shakes her head. “Sometimes I think…never mind. We’re talking about you.”

“No, it’s okay.” Luke is eager to change the subject. “What were you going to say?”

“It’s just…I love Chris. I do. But sometimes I really don’t understand him. He’s never happy. He complains that his recovery from the heart surgery is taking a long time. He knows he should be grateful to be alive — and he is — but…he still complains. And when I think about how long he kept his condition a secret, and how different things could be, I just…I get angry.”

Luke swallows hard. “Yeah. Me, too.”

“And he complains that the board made John Dixon the permanent Chief of Staff.”

“I thought he didn’t even want the job anymore.” Luke can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Exactly! It’s like how he didn’t want it until Reid did. And now that we’re all settled in Tom and Margo’s house, he’s talking about wanting to go overseas again.”

“What about you and Jacob?”

“He wants us to come. Says it’ll be an amazing experience for us.”

“What about your job? Everything you’ve worked for?”

Katie tries to laugh. “Yeah, good question.” She sighs. “I think maybe I rushed into this. Because I wanted so much not to miss Brad, and to be happy. But I do miss Brad. I do. Just like you miss Reid. God, I miss him, too. I wish he was here, and I could ask for his advice. Even though I know what he’d say.”

Luke wants to tell her so badly, and he has to breathe slowly, in and out. “Katie, I wish I knew what to tell you. I wish…” He trails off.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to know what to say. I just appreciate you listening. Especially since I totally sprung this visit on you, and now I’m dumping all my problems on you! I should go.”

“Don’t go.”

Katie gasps at the sound of Reid’s voice in the doorway, and she spins around as she leaps to her feet. “Oh my God.” Eyes wide, she stares at Reid, and then looks to Luke, eyes darting back and forth between them. “What is this? How? _Reid_?”

Reid answers. “It’s me, Katie. And my advice is to dump Chris, because apparently having my exceptional heart hasn’t changed the fact that he’s a complete idiot.”

“Reid?” Katie’s eyes shine with tears. She looks to Luke again. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s really him, Katie. I know, it’s completely insane. But it’s really him.”

“Reid!” She races over, throwing herself at Reid and drawing him into a forceful hug. When she pulls back, she thumps his arm. “You’ve been alive all this time? How could you do that? What the hell is going on?”

Rubbing his arm, Reid smiles. “Ow. I missed you too. And it’s a long story.”

To Luke, Katie asks, “You knew? It was all pretend?”

“No, no. I just found out a couple of weeks ago. And we haven’t told anyone yet because Reid wasn’t ready. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I wanted to tell you so bad just now.”

Katie’s clearly in shock, wavering between joy, confusion, and anger. “I feel like I’m dreaming.”

“I think we all feel like that,” Reid says. “Why don’t you sit down, and we’ll explain.”

In a calm, clinical tone, Reid lays it out for her. He doesn’t go into detail about his experiences in the lab, just tells her that he was the subject of a regeneration experiment. Luke sits on Katie’s other side on the couch, and she grips his hand. It’s surreal to hear the entire story again; he can hardly believe it himself.

Katie listens in stunned silence. Finally, when Reid finishes, she shakes her head. “I just can’t believe this.” She smiles through her tears. “But I’m so happy, Reid. I don’t care how it happened, or why it happened. I’m just so happy to have you back!”

Reid leans over and presses a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks.”

“When are you going to tell everyone? When are you going back to work? They’re going to be so blown away. And think of all the lives you can save! It’s a miracle to get a second chance like this.”

Reid looks down. “I don’t know.” He takes a breath and takes Katie’s hand before addressing her. “I realize this is a hard thing to ask, but can you keep my secret for the time being? I just need to figure some things out. We’re still not sure if Invicta will come after me, or what the consequences could be of going public.”

“You should call the police! Talk to Margo. I mean, they stole your body! They stole _you_.”

“I might talk to the police, but not right now. I need some time. You can understand that, can’t you?”

“I…yes, of course. But not for long, right? I know there are a lot of people who will want to know that you’re alive, Reid. Who deserve to know.” She turns to Luke. “For both your sakes. Am I the only one you’ve told?”

Luke nods. “Only you and Damian know. Well, and Damian’s…people. But they won’t talk. And believe me, I hate lying. But it’s just for a little while.”

“Okay.”

The tires of an approaching car crunch on the snow outside, and Luke hurries to the front door to peek out. “It’s Tony,” he calls back. At Katie’s quizzical expression, he adds, “Physiotherapist.”

Katie’s eyes well again, and she peers at Reid with concern. “I can’t imagine how it must have been for you these last months. But you’re going to be okay, right?”

“Hope so.”

As Tony knocks on the door, Katie gets to her feet. “I should go. I need to pick up Jacob.” She swipes at her cheeks.

His expression tender, Reid hugs her. “Thank you, Katie. I missed you both, very much. Give the little snot machine a kiss for me, okay?”

She smiles tremulously. “Okay. I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah. Soon.”

Luke hugs her, too. “Sorry for lying to you earlier. Thanks for understanding.”

“Of course. Call me and let me know what’s happening, okay?” She puts her boots on and grabs her coat. “Love you both.”

Tony passes her on his way in without comment. He heads up to the gym, and Luke and Reid are alone. Luke smiles. “Well. That’s a relief. Why did you change your mind?”

Reid sighs. “Listening to you two talk, it was…I just couldn’t do it. Not with Katie. And it’s not fair to you.”

“We’ll have to figure everything out soon. The Reid Oliver Memorial Neurology Center will be open by spring. They’re going to have to work on the name.” He laughs awkwardly at his own joke.

“Luke…” Reid is clearly troubled.

“What? What is it?” The unease Luke has battled creeps back in.

Reid heads to the stairs. “We’d better get up there, or Tony’ll report us for dereliction of duty.”

“He can wait. We need to talk about this.”

But Reid’s already gone. After a few moments, Luke tells himself everything’s fine, and follows.

*

In the shower after his workout, Luke whistles as he soaps himself. Perhaps it’s the endorphins, or the relief of telling Katie, but he’s cheerful in a way he hasn’t been in a long time. Everything is going to be okay, he’s sure of it.

He’d left Reid with Tony, who watched carefully for proper form as Reid finished his walk on the treadmill with a small weight in each hand. When Luke comes out of the steamy bathroom, a towel snug around his hips, Reid’s sitting on the side of the bed. He’s shed all his workout gear except for his track pants.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. You know you can use the shower in the guest bathroom in the hall.” Luke waggles his eyebrows. “Unless you’re waiting for me to get back in the shower with you.”

Reid doesn’t laugh, or even crack a smile.

Luke’s good cheer falters, and the familiar return of worry churns his gut. “What’s wrong?”

Reid gazes at him with a warmth and tenderness and _love_ that makes Luke’s heart skip a beat. “Luke, you need to be prepared.”

“For what? You’re kind of freaking me out.”

“Despite everything they did to me, this has been a gift, being with you again. It _is_ a gift, and I want to savour every minute. But we need to be realistic.”

Luke’s heart rate increases. “What do you mean?”

“In all likelihood, I’m going to die soon.”

It’s like he’s punched Luke in the solar plexus. Luke sputters. “What? What the hell are you talking about? You’re fine! You’re getting better!”

Reid just sits there calmly. “I was Patient G, Luke. Have you thought about what happened to Patients A through F?”

“I…no. Reid, you’re fine. Look at how much better you are already in barely two weeks.” Luke’s skin is crawling, and he begins pacing.

“They’re dead. From what I heard when I was down there, Patient E lived the longest. Three months. It’s been five for me. So, you need to be prepared.”

“No! You’re not going to die! You said everything was okay with the test results.”

“Everything is okay. For now. It doesn’t mean this heart won’t stop tomorrow. It’s only a prototype. No one has ever lived to stage two, and they said I was almost there. But it’s still a prototype, Luke. The clock is ticking.”

“So you’ll get a new heart!”

“It’s not as simple as that. Even if there was a match, with what they’ve done to me, the drugs and the tests and the God knows what — I don’t think my body would accept another heart.”

“Then we’ll rip yours out of Chris’s chest!”

Reid smiles ruefully. “The thought has crossed my mind. But this is reality, Luke. We need to understand it. Accept it.”

With a few steps, Luke is by the bed. Reaching out, he shoves Reid in the chest, the red slash of the surgery scar still so prominent against Reid’s pale skin. “How can you just sit there and tell me you’re going to die? Like you don’t even care!”

“Of course I care.” He reaches up for Luke’s hand, but Luke snatches his arm away and paces again.

“It’s like before, after the accident. All you cared about was Chris. Like you didn’t even matter! Like you didn’t care that you were dying! Like you didn’t care that you were leaving me.” He takes a shuddering breath. “You’re not leaving me again! I won’t let you. You hear me? I won’t.”

“I don’t want to leave you. Believe me, I don’t want to die! I’m not saying that I won’t fight, or that I’m giving up. But this is the reality we have to come to terms with. This is why I don’t want to tell anyone. You and Katie think that I’ll just step back into my life, my career. It’s not going to happen.”

“Why not?” Luke shouts. “You’re wrong. _You’re wrong_.”

“I’m never going to be a surgeon again. What they did to my brain, it could have affected any number of the neuro processes. I can’t trust that I’ll be able to be the doctor I was before. I can’t risk patients’ lives.”

“No, I don’t believe that. You’re wrong. You’re still _you_. You’re Dr. Reid Oliver, the best goddamned neurosurgeon in the world.”

“I appreciate your faith in me, Luke. But it’s all moot anyway.”

“Oh, right, because you’re going to drop dead any second.” Luke laughs hollowly, swiping at his eyes. “So, how am I supposed to be prepared for that? Huh? Like, one morning I’ll just roll over and you’ll be dead, but no problem! It’ll be okay, because I was prepared.”

“Luke—”

“You know, I could drop dead any second, too. I could get hit by a bus next week. We’re all gonna die, Reid. You could outlive me.”

Reid actually winces, pain evident on his face. “No. You’re going to live a long and happy life.”

“Not without you. It’ll kill me this time.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m not. That’s _reality_ , Reid.”

“You have your whole life ahead of you. And I want to be there with you, more than I’ve wanted anything, but the odds are—”

“Since when do you care about odds? You’re Reid Oliver! You _defy_ the odds.” He yanks Reid to his feet, gripping his shoulders tightly. “You came back. And Patient G is going to fucking survive.”

Then he’s kissing Reid, pouring out all his anger and fear and frustration as he smashes their lips together. They topple backwards onto the bed, and Luke flings off his towel with one hand as he tugs on Reid’s track pants with the other. In a few seconds they’re both naked, and he presses Reid back, covering his body.

As Luke kisses Reid frantically, Reid moans into his mouth, clutching Luke to him, his fingers digging into Luke’s flesh. They rut against each other as they did the night before, and when Reid is hard, Luke straddles him, going up on his knees. He’s not going to wait even another minute. _No more regrets._

But as he reaches back to guide Reid’s cock to his hole, Reid stills him, taking Luke’s hand. “Wait.”

“No. No more waiting.” They’re both breathing heavily already, and Luke is overcome with the need to feel Reid inside him, alive and real.

Reid strokes Luke’s chest gently. Then he lifts his right hand to his mouth, sucking on his first two fingers and coating them liberally with saliva, his eyes locked with Luke’s. Luke’s pulse races as Reid reaches back and pushes his index finger inside.

It’s been a very long time, and even when he was with Noah, they rarely had penetrative sex. Reid’s finger stretches him, and Luke swallows hard at the sensation. As Reid caresses Luke’s nipples with his other hand, Luke begins moving his hips, fucking himself. Reid slips the second finger in, and Luke groans at the stretch.

“So fucking beautiful,” Reid whispers.

Lips parted, Luke breathes deeply as Reid slowly opens him up. When Reid slides his fingers out, Luke whines in protest, and in a quick motion, Reid is lifting him up, and then he’s face down beside Reid on the mattress.

Luke moves to get on his hands and knees, but Reid’s hand is firm on his back, keeping him on his stomach. Reid opens Luke’s ass cheeks, and his warm breath flutters across Luke’s hole. Excitement ricochets through Luke’s veins, followed by a burst of incredible pleasure as Reid licks the sensitive flesh.

Rimming is something he’s only read about, and Luke is overwhelmed by the sensations as Reid’s tongue nudges inside him. It’s amazingly intimate and powerful, and Luke shivers as Reid licks thoroughly, spitting into Luke’s hole and preparing him.

Luke’s cock is hard against the mattress, and he slides one hand beneath him to rub it awkwardly, desperate for contact. He’s moaning, eyes closed, his cheek pressed into the bed, and it’s like all his nerve endings are centered on his ass and the incredible pleasure of Reid’s mouth.

He’s slightly dazed when Reid draws away and lies on his back. Reid urges Luke up, gently guiding Luke’s head to Reid’s thick cock, which juts out from his body. “Suck me.”

Taking a breath, Luke dives in, finally tasting him, swirling his tongue around the head as Reid gasps. Reid is even bigger than Luke expected, and he hums as his mouth stretches. Spit drips from his lips, and he covers Reid’s cock with it, slicking him completely.

With a deep breath, Reid pulls Luke’s head away. He spits into his palm, coating himself a little more as Luke climbs over his hips. Reid guides himself to Luke’s hole, and Luke sits back, holding his breath as Reid inches inside him.

The stretch burns, but slowly and surely, Luke lowers himself onto Reid, who throbs inside him, flesh to flesh. They watch each other as Reid fills Luke, and Reid reaches up to pull Luke into a kiss.

Luke kisses him back, tongue winding with Reid’s, and he presses down until Reid is completely inside him. Taking a breath, he sits up, staying still as he gets used to the feeling. He savours it, closing his eyes, concentrating on every inch of Reid inside him, hot and pulsating, making him whole.

They both moan as Luke starts to move, rising up and down a couple of inches at a time. “Reid. God, Reid. I love you.”

Reid’s hands are strong on Luke’s hips, and he helps him begin to ride up and down, lifting halfway off before sliding back down again. “So tight. Dreamed of this, Luke. So good.”

They kiss again, mouths open as they pant. Luke rides Reid’s cock, the pleasure echoing through his body as Reid thrusts up and hits just the right spot. Luke groans, and Reid does it again, taking Luke’s leaking cock in hand. He strokes Luke in time with Luke’s movements, and it’s the best sex Luke’s ever had by a country mile.

He can’t believe he ever wanted to wait more than five minutes to have this, to be with Reid so completely — to be a part of each other, with nothing in-between. Luke feels like his whole body is vibrating with their energy and love, and as he comes, he gasps at the ecstasy that overtakes him.

He’s squeezing Reid’s cock even harder as he shudders, and Reid thrusts up into him, moaning as his orgasm shakes him. He shoots deep inside Luke, wet and hot, and Luke has never felt so close to another human being.

As they both struggle for breath, Luke entwines their fingers against Reid’s sticky chest. Leaning down, Luke cleans Reid with his tongue, tasting himself as he hasn’t done since he was a young teenager. Reid groans softly, his other hand stroking Luke’s hair as he brings his head up for a kiss.

Reid’s tongue sweeps into Luke’s mouth, and they kiss deeply. Reid’s softening cock is still inside Luke, and Luke decides he just wants to stay where they are until he can feel it grow inside him again. He doesn’t ever want to get out of bed.

Against Reid’s lips, Luke breathes softly. He pulls back just enough to see Reid’s eyes, and Reid brushes Luke’s cheek with his fingertips in the way he does that always makes Luke’s heart swell. “I’m not letting you go,” Luke whispers.

Reid kisses him with the barest touch, his arms secure around Luke’s back. “Okay.”


	8. Chapter 8

The moment of grace before Luke remembers lasts only a few fleeting seconds as he wakes. His stomach clenches as the dread fills him, and he shivers and curls inward, drawing up his knees, keeping his eyes squeezed shut.

A moment later Reid is wrapped around him, his lips soft and warm on the back of Luke’s neck. Reid sounds as if he’s been awake for a while. “Hey.”

Luke opens his eyes reluctantly. He just wants to go back to sleep, and slip into dreams where Reid is going to live forever. He says nothing, and lets Reid roll him onto his back. Reid props himself up on his elbow and gazes down. He caresses Luke’s chest lightly before his fingers wrap around and trace Luke’s scar. “Feeling okay? You’re a little pale.”

“I’m fine.” Luke’s response is automatic.

Reid frowns. “Does it hurt?” He slides his hand down between Luke’s legs and touches Luke’s hole gently. “I know it’s been a long time.”

His ass _is_ tender, but Luke shakes his head. “No. I mean, it does, a little. But I like it. It’s like…I can still feel you inside me.” He wants to hold onto this feeling forever, even if it is pain.

Reid kisses him softly. “As long as it wasn’t too much.” His fingers remain at Luke’s hole, not moving, just _there_. It’s intimate in a way that makes Luke feel safe and loved and special.

“It could never be too much with you. I want…everything.”

They kiss again slowly, breathing each other in. Reid’s fingers move a bit and then he’s cupping Luke’s balls, kneading them together in his palm. Luke groans into Reid’s mouth as his body starts to come to life. Reid seems to know exactly where to touch, and as he moves down and begins sucking Luke’s nipples in turn, Luke moans.

As Reid takes Luke’s cock in hand, he smiles. “I used to imagine what you’d be like in bed. What you’d sound like.”

Luke can only take a shuddering breath in response.

“Even when I was still desperately trying to get out of Oakdale, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He strokes Luke harder, his thumb flicking over the head of Luke’s cock. “I’d lie there in bed at night, thinking about how annoying you were, and then I’d jerk off and imagine you under me, moaning like this. Saying my name.”

“Reid. _Reid_.” The pleasure simmers, spreading out from Luke’s cock and warming his limbs.

“Just like that. I’d think about fucking your ass, about your lips wrapped around my dick. I’d even use my own fingers sometimes and imagine you inside me.” Reid smiles at Luke’s breathy moan. “And it’s been a long time since I’ve let anyone do that. But you want to know what I thought about most of all?”

Luke can only nod, his hips lifting as Reid strokes him.

“I imagined what it would be like to suck your cock.” With that, he descends and swallows Luke deeply.

Everything else — the worry, the fear, _everything_ — fades away as Reid’s tongue does the most amazing things Luke’s ever felt. Reid’s hand is wrapped around the base of Luke’s cock, and he twists it in time with the motion of his tongue and the movement of his head up and down, taking Luke deeper and deeper.

Luke grasps at Reid’s short hair, barely able to get a grip, but eager to touch him. He bucks up into Reid’s mouth, all self control vanished as Reid licks and sucks him. The warm moisture is so tight all around him, and Luke moans loudly, his cries echoing in the rafters.

When Reid fondles Luke’s balls again, Luke comes in a sudden rush of bliss, shaking as he empties into Reid’s mouth and right down his throat. It drips out of Reid’s lips as he swallows, milking Luke until the shudders of ecstasy ebb. Reid lets Luke slip from his mouth, and Luke hauls him up, kissing him deeply.

Tasting himself all over Reid’s mouth, he strokes Reid’s tongue as he reaches down for Reid’s cock, which is leaking and hard. Pulling away reluctantly from Reid’s mouth, Luke smiles. “My turn.”

After rolling Reid onto his back, Luke shimmies down and takes him in deeply. Reid groans and holds Luke’s head, making little noises in his throat. He doesn’t last long, and as he floods Luke’s mouth, Luke swallows every drop. He loves the musky tang, and licks his lips as he rests his head on Reid’s belly.

Reid caresses Luke’s hair softly. “It’s even better than I thought. At least we got to do this,” he murmurs.

Luke pulls away and rolls to the side of the bed, the tension returned in an instant. “It was the first time, and you’re already talking like it’s the last.”

Reid touches Luke’s back. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He squeezes Luke’s shoulder. “Listen, there’s something else I should tell you.”

Nausea blooms in Luke’s stomach. “What?” _Oh, God. Oh, God._ He looks over his shoulder as Reid moves to sit beside him on the side of the bed.

“It’s okay.” Reid rubs Luke’s thigh. “It’s just that I’m finding there are some…gaps in my memories.”

“Gaps?”

“I’ll think about what I’d do to remove, say, an oligodendroglioma, and my mind will just be blank. So I’ll look it up, and once I read the procedure, it all comes back to me. But sometimes I forget again. And I can’t forget these things. Not if I want to be the doctor I was, Luke. I don’t know if I can be.”

“So you’ll keep reading and rereading until you remember. It’s normal, isn’t it? After trauma? It’ll take time.”

Reid’s small smile is rueful. “Nothing about this is normal. Maybe you’re right, but the thing with time is…”

 _That theirs might be ticking away._ Luke stands, stepping away from Reid’s outstretched hand. “I’m not giving up.”

“Neither am I, Luke. I’m just being practical. I’m not throwing in the towel, but we have to manage our expectations.”

Luke doesn’t respond, and he doesn’t exhale the breath lodged in his throat until the bathroom door is safely closed behind him. He feels dizzy from the conflicting emotions coursing through him. Making love to Reid is the most incredible thing he’s ever experienced, but his hands are clammy with fear at the thought of it all disappearing tomorrow. _Today. Any second now._

He fills his glass and lines up his pills, swallowing each one like he’s supposed to. _All for nothing._

The force of his throw shatters what’s left of the glass on the tiled floor, little pieces of blue shards scattering in every direction. A moment later Reid flings open the door without knocking. He’s still naked, and he stares between the floor and Luke with concern.

“I’m fine. It just slipped.”

“Don’t move. You’re going to cut yourself.”

Luke gazes around, realizing he’s completely surrounded by the jagged remains of his glass. A little piece of what used to be a fish rests by his toe, and he nudges it.

“ _Don’t move._ I’ll get you a pair of shoes and then we’ll clean this up.”

Reid disappears, and Luke can hear him rummaging around in the closet. He thinks of the bottles that once hid there, and closes his eyes as the longing takes hold.

*

As he rides the elevator up to Invicta’s local branch, housed in an office complex in a suburb just outside of Chicago, Luke straightens his tie. His suit is crisp and clean, and doesn’t hang off him too badly thanks to all of Damian’s cooking. He hasn’t worn a suit or his long overcoat since the night they found Reid, and he can still smell Reid in the wool. He closes his eyes for a moment, remembering the darkness of the trunk, and Reid trembling in his arms.

There’s a soft _bing_ as the doors slide open on the fourteenth floor. He’d told Reid he had to attend a foundation board meeting, and Reid had kissed him goodbye and assured him he’d be all right alone for a few hours. Then he kissed Luke again, and asked him to drop by the drug store on his way home for lube. It was the first place Luke stopped on his drive to Chicago, and five tubes sit in a brown paper bag in the passenger seat of his car.

The young brunette receptionist looks up as he opens the frosted-glass door with _Invicta Corporation_ written on it in bold, blocky letters. “Good afternoon, sir.” She smiles, showing a row of neat, bright teeth. “How can I help you?”

“I’m here to see Mona Cross.”

The receptionist peers down at what he assumes is her calendar. Luke can’t see over the raised front of her gleaming wood and glass desk. She frowns slightly. “I don’t see any one o’clock appointments for Ms. Cross. May I ask your name?”

“She’s expecting me.”

The young woman glances to her left, which tells Luke which direction to go in search of Mona’s office. _What would Damian do?_ As Luke strides by her desk and down the serene and low-lit hallway, the receptionist squeaks. “Sir! Excuse me!”

With a deep breath, Luke stops himself from breaking into a run. He rounds a corner and continues, eyes scanning the silver nameplates on office doors, hoping he’ll find Mona’s soon. He can hear the receptionist in pursuit, her heels muffled by the carpet, but still audible as she speeds after him, stage whispering, “ _Sir_!”

Then the right words appear. _Mona Cross_. Luke opens the door to the small, dark-hued room that holds a desk and two guest chairs and a row of filing cabinets. Mona practically leaps out of her seat when she sees him in the doorway, her eyes widening.

The agitated receptionist huffs at Luke’s heels. “I’m so sorry, ma’am. He just barged right in. Should I call security?”

Mona clears her throat. “No, Louisa. Thank you. I forgot to tell you Mr. Snyder was coming. My apologies.”

Luke glances over his shoulder as he shuts the door, smiling brightly. Louisa appears skeptical, but turns with a little shrug and heads back in the direction of her post. Luke smiles at Mona in what he hopes is a calm and intimidating manner. “You really should have been expecting me. Just be glad I didn’t bring my father.”

Mona smiles tightly and sits behind her desk. “Oh, his presence has certainly been felt at other offices, from what I understand.”

Luke’s smile is real this time. “Good.” Without being asked, he takes a seat across from Mona. “Well, you know why I’m here.”

“How is he?”

This question takes Luke off guard. He hesitates.

“Believe it or not, I only wish Dr. Oliver well. Is he recovering?”

“How can you sit there and pretend to be concerned for his well-being?” Luke leans forward in his chair. “I know you had something to do with this. With what happened to him. So tell me. _Everything_.”

“I’m not directly involved with Lazarus.”

“But you _are_ involved in some way. You have to be, or else how would they have even known about Reid? How would they have gotten to him so quickly?”

She sighs. “It’s true that I added his name to the list of candidates. But that’s all.”

“Candidates?”

“Yes. People who might make appropriate test subjects due to their strong mental abilities. Reid Oliver was… _is_ a genius. His brain is capable of much higher functioning than the average person. This made him a potential candidate. That’s all. It was just luck he was hit by that train.”

Luke has to swallow hard over the rage. “Luck?”

She actually looks chastened. “I meant for the project. The circumstances simply presented themselves. We didn’t have anything to do with Dr. Oliver’s death. That’s not how the project works. Mr. Snyder, we’re trying to help people. Do you know how many lives could be saved if we’re able to perfect this technology and these procedures?”

“You stole his body. You kept him strapped down to a gurney, gagged and helpless. You _tortured_ him with tests and procedures that he can’t talk about because they were so fucking excruciating.”

Mona’s expression is pained. “I’m very sorry to hear that he suffered. I assure you that was never the intent!”

“Well, you know what they say about the road to hell, Ms. Cross.”

“Indeed. I do know that it was never expected for him to regain such a level of consciousness.”

“What do you mean?” Luke wants to turn her upside down and shake all her secrets onto the plush carpet.

“The other subjects, they were little more than vegetables when they were revived. Yet Dr. Oliver could speak; he could think. It was most unexpected.”

“And he could _feel._ Which none of you seemed to give a damn about.”

“I truly am sorry for his suffering, and I’m sure it was unintended. As I told you, I’m not involved in that level of the project, but you have to understand that medical research is very complicated. To make important discoveries, sacrifices must be made.”

Luke tightens his jaw, resisting the urge to lunge across the expanse of wood between them and strangle her. “Gotta break a few eggs to make an omelette, is that it?”

“Any suffering is truly regrettable.”

“ _Regrettable._ ” His fingernails dig into his palms.

She leans forward. “Don’t you see what an amazing step this is? The heart, it’s still functioning properly?”

Leery, Luke nods.

“It seems to have worked. It actually _worked_.”

“What did? What is it? Tell me!”

“I don’t know all the details; it’s far too scientific for me to understand. I’m an administrator, Mr. Snyder. But I know the heart is a hybrid.”

“Hybrid?” Luke’s own heart thumps in his chest.

“Part machine, part human. The other subjects, they all suffered serious organ damage and were given hybrid transplants. But the key is all in the brain. Once they were able to regenerate Dr. Oliver’s brain, they operated on one particular part of it. I don’t know what it’s called, but by adjusting something there, they were able to trick the body into accepting the new heart.”

Luke’s mind spins. “That’s why he doesn’t need to take anti-rejection meds.” The hope wells in his chest. _Reid will be okay. He’s not like the others. He’s special. He’s different._

“Exactly! It’s an incredible leap forward in our research. These hybrid organs could save millions of lives.” Her eyes are bright. “Trillions!”

“But everyone else is dead, aren’t they?”

Her fervour diminishes considerably, and she sighs. “Unfortunately, yes. Dr. Oliver’s case is remarkable. They don’t know if they can ever duplicate these results. His recovery has been nothing short of miraculous.”

Luke prays to anyone who is listening, with everything he has, that she’s right. _He has to live_. “You’re right. It has been miraculous. And you are never, ever going to hurt him again. Invicta is going to stay far away from him. Do you understand me?”

“We wish him no harm, Mr. Snyder. In fact, his survival is vital to the continuation of the project. If we could monitor him—”

Luke stands and leans forward on the desk. “If anyone from Invicta contacts Reid, or attempts to come within fifty miles of him, it’ll be the last thing they ever do. And I’ll hold you personally responsible. Do you understand?”

She jerks her head in a nod. “Your father and his…associates have made the potential consequences extremely clear. Mr. Snyder, I hope…”

“Yes?”

“I sincerely hope you and Dr. Oliver make the most of this second chance. So few of us get them in life.”

After a moment, Luke nods, and turns his back on Mona Cross, leaving her and Invicta behind as he marches from the office. He feels Louisa’s eyes on him as he exits the lobby, but he doesn’t look back.

In his car, Luke breathes in and out slowly. Then he opens the paper bag sitting on the cold leather beside him, and pulls out the half-empty bottle. _Just one last sip._ The metal cap twists off easily, and he takes a gulp, the sweet burn of the vodka soothing him.

He hasn’t finished swallowing before the terrible shame returns, and he hates himself utterly for his revolting, pathetic weakness. His fingers grapple clumsily with the door handle, and then he’s pouring out the rest of the bottle into the slush of the parking lot. He can barely breathe as he watches it soak into the snow, and wants to throw himself onto his knees and scoop it up with his hands.

Instead he closes the door and turns the key in the ignition. Reid is waiting.

*

The sun is setting as Luke returns home. He’d driven slowly and stopped at a roadside diner for a huge plate of food to try and soak up some of the alcohol. In front of his house, Luke turns off the car and gazes at his reflection in the rear-view mirror. He fixes his hair and chews on another mint.

Inside, Reid is indeed waiting. He stands at the end of the main hall, in the entrance to the kitchen. Luke can smell something cooking, and Reid is smiling as Luke closes the front door behind him. He looks so beautiful standing there, a wooden spoon in his hand. “I figured I should try and cook since Damian isn’t here. The results will likely be far less satisfactory.”

The shame burns, and Luke can’t meet Reid’s eyes.

“Luke?”

He tries to smile as he kicks his boots off. “Smells great.” He turns to hang up his coat, holding up the paper bag. “I got the lube, so I hope you’re—”

Suddenly Reid is there, the wooden spoon forgotten on the floor, his hands spinning Luke around to face him. He stares intently for a long moment. Then he asks, “How much did you drink?”

“I didn’t—”

“How much?” Reid shouts, his fingers digging into Luke’s shoulders. “Don’t lie to me.”

Luke’s eyes fill, and he sags. “I’m sorry. I just needed a little bit. I went to see Mona Cross. I had to find out more about what they did.”

“And you had to drink to do that?” Reid’s fury is etched on his face. “I’m not going to let you kill yourself, you hear me?”

“It was just a couple drinks. And I’ll stop now! That was the last time. I poured the bottle out, I swear!”

Stepping back, Reid shakes his head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Reid, please!” Luke reaches out, grasping for Reid, clutching his sweater. “I’m sorry. Don’t hate me. I know I’m weak. I’m disgusting, I’m terrible. I’m not good enough for you.” He sniffs, and Reid tries to say something, but Luke barrels on. “I love you so much. Please don’t leave me. I’ll be better! I promise. I’ll be better.”

Reid stares, shocked. “You think I’d leave you?”

“You’re too good for me. Too smart. Too handsome. I mess everything up. I always have. It’s my fault.”

Reid’s face softens, and he draws Luke into his arms. “I won’t leave you, Luke. I love you.” He takes Luke’s face between his hands. “Do you hear me? I love you. You’re the only person who’s ever been worthy of that.”

Tears slip from Luke’s eyes, and a sob blocks his reply. Reid holds him close, rubbing his back as he speaks in a low voice. “You have a disease, and I’m going to help you get better. I’ll call Damian tonight and we’ll decide the best way to do that.”

Luke nods against Reid’s neck, clinging to him. His voice is muffled. “I talked to Mona.”

“Shh. That doesn’t matter now. You’re what matters.”

“No, listen.” Luke raises his head. “She said you’re a miracle. You’re not going to die, Reid. You’re not.”

Reid’s expression is unreadable. “You can tell me tomorrow. Let’s lie down.”

Luke lets Reid guide him up to bed, and Reid undresses him patiently. Luke tugs at Reid’s clothing, and when they’re both naked, they hold each other tightly under the duvet. Luke can’t stop shivering, and he kisses Reid desperately. “Please, I need you. Please.”

Reid disappears for a minute, and comes back with the paper bag. He covers Luke’s body with his own, kissing him deeply, hands roaming. When Luke’s ready, he lifts his legs onto Reid’s shoulders, and Reid pushes into him, the lube easing his way. Luke is sore, but he urges Reid on, the pleasure mixing with the pain, the heat of Reid inside him filling the terrifying emptiness.

Leaning down as he slowly moves in and out, Reid presses kisses to Luke’s face, lips soft against Luke’s cheeks, forehead, nose and chin. Reid strokes Luke’s cock in time with his gentle thrusts, and takes one of Luke’s hands, entwining their fingers. “You’re the only one I’ve ever loved. Only you, Luke. _Only you_.”

They rock together slowly, and Luke feels as if he’s stretching further and further open, Reid consuming him completely. “Stay with me,” Luke whispers. “Stay.”

Kissing him, Reid presses in even deeper.

*

It’s the pain that wakes him, a dull ache in his side that has seeped into his dreams. His limbs are heavy and his blood hot, and Luke’s throat is sandpaper as he tries to speak. His head is pillowed on something warm, and as he tries to move, he realizes it’s Reid’s chest. Reid stirs beneath him.

“Luke?” Reid strokes Luke’s hair, and suddenly his palm is on Luke’s forehead, and the steady beat of the heart below Luke’s ear doubles. Luke tries to answer as Reid rolls him onto his back, but strangely, no sound seems able to escape his lips.

His eyes are heavy, and Reid keeps telling him to open them. As Luke blinks in the early morning light, he catches glimpses of Reid peering down, fear and concern written clearly on his face. He tries to tell Reid not to worry, but then the fever pulls him back under.


	9. Chapter 9

_Beep…beep…beep._

The steady sound of machines seeps into Luke’s dream of snow and ice and a strange heat that doesn’t belong. He keeps trying to stand, but the ground is slippery and his legs fold under him time and time again.

The beeping gets louder, and he blinks and tries to open his eyes. A stark white ceiling is above him, and as he tries to move, a face swims into view. The woman looks vaguely familiar, and Luke wonders why she’s at his house, and why his room is so different.

Another woman appears, and after a moment Luke remembers that her name is Gretchen and that Reid used to make her cry on a near-daily basis. At the thought of Reid, he experiences a jolt of alarm. He attempts to say Reid’s name, but it comes out as a strangled groan. There’s something in his nose, and he tries to pull it out, but the woman he doesn’t know stops him. “Now, now. Leave the tubes alone.”

Luke realizes there’s an IV attached to his arm, too. Gretchen holds a cup of water to his lips and helps him drink. He tries again to speak. “Reid.” At her look of confusion, he repeats himself. “ _Reid_.”

Gretchen and the other nurse share a sympathetic glance of concern, and Luke grabs for her arm. “Where is he?”

Susan Stewart appears. To the nurses, she asks, “How long has he been awake?”

“Only a minute,” Gretchen answers.

“His heart rate is quite elevated. Has he said anything?”

The nurses share another glance, and Luke wants to scream at them all for talking about him like he’s not there. The three women are wavering in his field of vision as things begin to blur and he has to fight to keep his eyes open.

“What is it, Gretchen?”

She lowers her voice. “He’s asking for Dr. Oliver.”

Susan sighs, and finally addresses Luke. “Luke, you’re here at Memorial. You have a very serious infection. You’re likely going to feel very confused, okay? Just try to rest and not get upset. Your parents will be here soon.”

Luke’s unable to respond or keep his eyes open any longer, and he slips back into an in-between place of darkness and beeping. He searches for Reid, but his outstretched hands find nothing, and the panic ricochets through him.

_Where’s Reid?_

His blood scorches his veins and it’s as if he’s floating in his own body, unable to make his limbs obey his commands to move and get out of this hospital bed. He needs to find Reid, but he’s trapped in limbo.

_Was it real?_

He tries to remember the last time he saw Reid, and squeezes his ass tightly. It’s tender, and he thinks about Reid inside him, hot and throbbing and filling him. _It had to be real_. He struggles to wake, and hears the sounds of the machines and the distant commotion of the hospital. Then he’s back in the room where Reid died, and Reid is there, caked in blood, eyes empty. There’s a pen in Luke’s hand, and voices telling him to sign.

He plummets into the shadows, choking on Reid’s ashes.

*

“What the hell are you doing here? You said you were going to leave us alone.” Lily’s voice pierces Luke’s nightmare world.

“Lily, I said I’d leave _you_ alone, and I have.” Damian speaks calmly.

Then Holden is talking. “You’re the last person Luke needs right now. He hasn’t seen you for months and he doesn’t need you here.”

“On the contrary, I’ve spent a great deal of time with Luciano over the past few weeks.”

“ _What?_ You swore you wouldn’t cause any more trouble!”

“And I haven’t. My child was suffering! Of course I went to him as soon as I was able. And it’s a good thing I did.”

Luke can’t seem to open his eyes, and the words echo in his brain as he tries to make sense of it all.

“Why? What happened?” Holden’s voice rises.

“He’d been drinking himself to death for God knows how long when I arrived. He nearly killed himself running out into the snow in the night, chasing ghosts.”

“Drinking? No! We knew he was having a difficult time, but…Oh, God. Luke.” Lily sobs. “We tried to talk to him so many times, but he just wanted to be alone. He seemed okay. He did!”

“He cannot hide from me the way he can from both of you. Like it or not, he is my son, and I’m not going anywhere.”

His eyelids feel unbearably heavy, but Luke forces them open. Damian stands to his right, Holden and Lily on his left. Luke’s voice sounds foreign to his own ears. “Where is he?”

“Who? Sweetie, we’re here.” Lily peers down with anguished concern, and Luke swallows hard over the terrible guilt.

“ _E’ andato a prendere un dottore per te. Sta bene, te lo giuro._ ”

“What are you saying to him? What are you talking about?” Lily cries.

Luke clutches Damian’s hand. “Are you sure?” _Reid’s alive. On his way with a doctor. It wasn’t a dream. It was real, it was real..._

“Yes, _Ninetto_.” Damian squeezes Luke’s fingers reassuringly. “All is well. You need to concentrate on getting better.”

Lily leans over Luke, brushing back his hair. “Baby? I’m so sorry. We should have known.” She wipes at her eyes. “We’re going to help you get better. Everything’s going to be okay. We’re here for you.” She glances at Damian. “All of us.”

Holden leans in behind her and rubs Luke’s arm lightly. “That’s right. You’re going to get better, and that’s the only thing that matters. Don’t worry about anything, all right? Everything’s going to be okay.”

Luke’s barely able to scrape the words out of his throat. “I need to tell you…” _They’re going to find out about Reid. Should hear it from him._

“Shhh. Rest, sweetie.” Lily kisses his forehead. “Rest.”

As all of his parents watch over him, Luke drifts away.

*

_The sun is almost unbearably bright overhead._

_The air hangs still and humid, and the water of the pond is glassy. Luke steps away from the shore, and the water ripples out around him. In the centre of the pond, he treads water lightly, closing his eyes against the oppressive sun. Sweat drips into his eyes, stinging and salty, and he ducks under the murky surface._

_When he comes back up, Reid is a few feet away, smiling._

_“I never brought you here.” Luke pulls through the water to get closer, but can’t seem to move._

_“Better late than never, right?”_

_“Where did you go? I’ve been looking for you.”_

_Suddenly Reid is next to him, all around him under the water. “You found me.”_

_They kiss, and the heat is consuming. The water evaporates and Luke is moaning and flying apart, coming undone as Reid says his name over and over. Luke tries to hold on, but he spirals off into the abyss._

*

“Luke.”

He can’t quite open his eyes, but Luke hears Reid, and feels the pressure of his fingers gripping his own. He moans softly, and Reid’s lips brush against his.

“I’m here. Luke, I’m here.”

*

The lights are low, and all is quiet the next time Luke is able to open his eyes. His heart rate beeps steadily on the monitor, and he watches the blip of the green line as he focuses. His head is clearer, and the room doesn’t spin, which is a marked improvement. Luke looks to his right, and he sighs in relief when he sees Reid, slouched in a visitor’s chair, his lips slightly parted as he sleeps.

There are dark shadows below Reid’s eyes. He looks fragile and _old_ , and for a moment, Luke can imagine how Reid will look when he’s eighty. He has to breathe in sharply at the stab of grief that slashes him. _Will Reid live? Will either of them?_

The shame and regret for what he’s done to himself washes over Luke anew, combined with the dreadful fear. He chokes down a sob, but suddenly Reid’s eyes are open and he’s at Luke’s side, leaning forward in his chair, caressing Luke’s face.

“Hey. You’re awake.”

Luke takes a shuddery breath. “I don’t want to die,” he croaks.

“You’re not going to.” Reid shakes his head, and his tone brooks no argument. “I did not come back from the dead to watch you die.” He presses his palm to Luke’s forehead and helps him drink some water. “Your fever’s coming down. We can talk about your treatment in the morning.” He glances at his watch. “Which is very soon.”

“I’m sorry. I’m going to ruin everything.”

“No. You’re going to get better. We’re both going to get better.”

Luke wants that to be true more than anything. “Is my kidney failing?”

“It’s close. It’s infected, and your body’s begun to reject it. Right now we’re fighting off the infection. The alcohol has caused some damage.”

“It’s my fault.”

Reid strokes Luke’s hair. “You have a disease.”

The guilt and remorse burn in Luke’s chest. “I stopped taking my pills.”

Reid’s hand freezes on Luke’s head. “What?”

“Before I found you. Before you called. I stopped.”

Reid takes a deep breath through his nose as he sits up straighter and brings his hands to his lap, his fingers curling into fists. “For how long?”

“I don’t know.”

“How long, Luke?” Reid’s shout seems unbearably loud in the small room. “How long?”

“It’s all jumbled together. I don’t know. Maybe a week. More. I don’t remember. But I started taking them again as soon as I heard your voice. Because I knew I needed to be strong for you. I needed to find you.”

“You need to be strong for _you_ , Luke! Your life is worth it. _You_ are worth it. Promise me you’ll never try to kill yourself again. No matter what happens to me. Promise.”

“Reid, it wasn’t—”

“ _Promise_.”

“I promise. But nothing’s going to happen to you. You’re a miracle, remember?”

Reid leans down and kisses Luke gently. “We’re both going to fight. We’re both going to live. You hear me?”

Luke nods. He realizes that by being at Memorial, Reid has undoubtedly been seen. “Did you…do people know? That you’re here?”

A small smile tugs at Reid’s lips. “I’m sure the hospital rumour mill is working overtime, even in the wee hours. When I got back from New York I came straight here. I explained it all to your parents, and I called Bob. Didn’t want him to hear it from someone else.”

“New York?”

“Home of one of the world’s best nephrologists. Damian arranged with your grandmother for me to use her jet. He came straight here from Seattle.”

“Seattle?” Luke tries to follow along, but his brain is mush.

“Invicta’s head office.”

Luke processes all the information. “Is Grandmother here?”

“She’s sleeping in the lounge with your parents. She insisted on coming along to New York. She’s quite a woman. We really should have met a long time ago.”

“I always thought you two would get along.” Luke’s eyes flicker, becoming heavy once more. “What did my parents say? Are they mad I didn’t tell them?”

“No. They’re not mad. They’re just worried about their son.” He kisses Luke’s forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

Luke wants to stay with Reid, but he fades away.

*

There’s a bright light, and Luke is pulled from a deep, mercifully dreamless sleep to find an unsmiling middle-aged woman staring down at him. “Hello, Mr. Snyder. Time to wake up. We have things to discuss.”

Reid nudges the woman aside with a sour look and pets Luke’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Like I actually slept this time.”

“Your temperature’s almost normal. That helps a lot.”

The woman, who wears glasses and styles her black hair in a severe bun, clears her throat. “If you’ll get out of my way, Dr. Oliver? I’d like to continue.” To Luke she says, “Mr. Snyder, I’m Dr. Rhodes. My former colleague here kidnapped me and brought me to this remote burg to try and save your life. Let’s do that, shall we?” She flips open a patient chart and scans it.

“Kidnapped?” Luke can’t hide his smile.

“More or less. He employed blackmail and threats rather than physical force.” She glances at the monitors Luke is hooked up to and scribbles some notes.

“I learned from the best, Luciano.” Reid winks.

Dr. Rhodes stares at Reid. “I never thought I’d see the day. _Reid Oliver_ in love. Of course I never thought I’d see you return from the grave, either. I can’t decide which is more unnerving.”

“Thank you for helping me, Dr. Rhodes.” Luke smiles at her warmly.

She sighs. “Yes, yes. All right, you have a choice to make. The damage to your kidney is substantial. However, I’m currently conducting clinical trials for a new drug protocol. If successful, it can halt the damage and even help your kidney heal. Much in the way the lungs pink up again several years after a smoker quits cigarettes.”

“Years?”

“Of course with the drugs, it will only take a matter of months. In the meantime there will be some side effects, but as long as you take your medicine — _all_ of it, and every single day — watch your diet and don’t touch a drop of alcohol, you should feel well enough. You shouldn’t have to be hospitalized further once you’re recovered from this infection. We can avoid dialysis, and you won’t need another transplant for at least several more years.”

Reid speaks up. “The protocol has been successful in other patients so far, correct?”

“Yes, Dr. Oliver. It’s been quite successful, thanks to my years of experience and research. Not to mention my brilliance.” To Luke she adds, “And if it doesn’t work for you, then we’ll move on to the next options. But I see no reason it shouldn’t, as long as you cooperate and follow my orders.”

“He will. I’ll make sure of it,” Reid says.

Luke savours the growing hope he feels. “Thank you, Dr. Rhodes. I’m very grateful for your help.”

“It’s what I do, Mr. Snyder. And I’m the best.” She glances over her shoulder. “There appears to be a phalanx of visitors clamouring to see you. Ten minutes, and then I’ll be back.”

She strides from the room, lab coat billowing in her wake.

He can see Dr. Rhodes through the window talking to his family as they surround her, much to her obvious discomfort. Luke smiles at Reid. “She’s… _you_.”

“I know. That’s why I had to bring her here. Only the best for you.” He sighs as the door opens and Luke’s family streams in. “Here we go,” Reid mutters.

Luke squeezes his hand. “Ten minutes.”

*

The next time Luke wakes, he’s alone but for Holden, who sits in the guest chair, hands folded serenely in his lap. “Good afternoon,” Holden says, smiling. “How’re you feeling?”

“Okay, I guess. Better than before.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“Where’s Reid?”

“He’s fine. He’s with your mother; having a shower at our house and getting something to eat. He didn’t want to leave you, but he was looking awfully rundown, and your mom and I thought it would be best. He would only go if I stayed with you.” Holden grasps Luke’s shoulder gently. “He really loves you. I’m glad to get the chance to see it for myself.”

“I love him, too. So much. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about what was going on. Reid wanted to wait, and I thought it should be his choice and—”

“It’s okay, we understand. Damian and Reid filled us in. I’m glad…” He looks down for a moment before meeting Luke’s eyes again. “I’m glad Damian was there for you.”

The guilt is suffocating, and Luke’s eyes well. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Luke.”

“I know that after everything he’s done, I should hate him. But I can’t. I don’t want to hate my father.” The words are spilling out, and he trips over them. “I mean, _you’re_ my father. You are. But I…”

The door opens and Reid walks in. “What’s wrong?” He rushes to Luke’s other side, reaching out for Luke’s forehead. “Are you feeling worse? Any pain? Nausea?”

Holden answers. “No. He’s feeling guilty about Damian.” To Luke he speaks emphatically. “But I know that it doesn’t mean he loves me any less because he cares about Damian.”

Reid frowns at Luke, clearly puzzled. “Why would you feel guilty about that? You care about people, even when they make mistakes. It’s one of the best things about you. It’s what makes you _you_.”

Luke sniffles. “Really?”

“Really,” Reid and Holden reply in unison.

There’s a soft knock at the door, and Damian pokes his head in. “I just wanted to check on you, Luciano. But I’ll return later.”

Holden takes a deep breath and blows it out. “No, come in. There’s room for all of us. Right, Luke?”

Luke has to blink rapidly, nodding as Damian brings in another chair.

*

Reid is flipping through a file folder, reading in the soft light of the bedside lamp when Luke wakes late that night. Reid marks his page and closes the file. “Feeling okay?”

“Yeah. A little hungry.”

“That’s a good sign. Of course the hospital food should kill your appetite within a few cardboard-y bites.”

“When you’re back on staff, maybe you can convince John to improve the kitchen.”

Reid’s smile is rueful. “If I come back to Memorial, I’ll be sure to mention it.”

“There’s no _if_ , Reid.” Luke shifts carefully onto his good side and pulls back the covers, patting the mattress beside him. “Come talk to me.”

Reid toes off his shoes and squeezes onto the narrow bed, bringing the blanket and sheet back up over them. They face each other on their sides, legs tangled together. Luke kisses Reid softly before grimacing. “Sorry. My breath is probably totally gross.”

Reid kisses him deeper, sliding his tongue into Luke’s mouth, stroking tenderly as Luke sighs into him. He’s weak and shivery, and Reid holds him close. They watch each other in silence for a few moments after the kiss ends. “Is it weird? Being officially alive?”

“A bit.” Reid smiles. “Although I did enjoy that Chris almost fainted when I walked into the doctors’ lounge. He may have my heart, but thank God I hung onto my brain.”

Luke can’t help but snicker. “I wish I’d been there. Katie didn’t tell him?”

“Nope. Can you believe it? She actually kept her trap shut, which isn’t one of her strong suits. She was here earlier, and she helped explain to a few people. She says hi. Dr. Rhodes is only letting in family right now. And me, of course.”

“Of course. I can’t believe you blackmailed her.”

“It was easy. Make a vague threat about some vague knowledge pertaining to a vague incident. And voilà.”

“Worked for me.”

Reid kisses him again, his fingers trailing down Luke’s spine under his scratchy hospital gown.

Luke sighs. “I wish we were at home.”

“I know. But Luke…”

“What?”

“I’ve been talking to Damian and your parents. We think it’s best that you go to another facility for the next month. To recover and get some therapy. There’s a great place a few hours away. They can administer your kidney treatment while you get better. It’s a…holistic health centre.”

“You mean rehab.”

“Yeah. Rehab. And before you argue, just hear me out.”

“I’m not arguing.” Luke wants to get better. He _needs_ to get better. “But I can’t leave you. You have to come with me.”

“I’ll visit every week, and we’ll talk on the phone every night.”

“I don’t want you to be alone.” Luke feels a stab of fright at the thought. “What if something happens, what if—”

“Damian will be there. I’ll be fine, Luke. Katie will be there every chance she gets, and your whole family has threatened, well, _offered_ to visit. We’ll both get a chance to recuperate.”

“If Dr. Rhodes’s treatment doesn’t work…”

“If it doesn’t work, then we’ll start dialysis and go from there.”

Luke takes a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking about something Mona Cross told me. About the project. Did you…did Damian find out anything?”

“He was able to obtain some files.”

“Do you know about your heart?”

Reid nods. “A hybrid.”

“She said they’ve done it with other organs, too. Tricked the brain into accepting them. I wouldn’t have to take any more meds and—”

Reid’s body tenses. “No. Never.”

“I’m just saying, if everything else fails, maybe—”

“They’re not touching your brain. _Never._ ”

“What if—”

“If you deteriorate, then you’ll go on the transplant list and we’ll get you a new kidney. We still have options. I won’t let those people near you.” He runs his fingers over Luke’s head, his breathing becoming irregular. “They’re not touching you.”

“Okay,” Luke whispers. “Okay.” He kisses Reid’s jaw and waits for him to calm.

Reid breathes deeply. “The treatment will work. I would never let it come to that. The treatment will work,” he repeats.

Luke smiles. “Because you say so?”

“Precisely.”

Snuggling closer, Luke presses his face into Reid’s neck, and Reid’s arms tighten around him. Luke falls asleep listening to Reid’s steady breathing. He dreams of water again, but this time it’s the cool lake, and he and Reid swim for miles.


	10. Chapter 10

__  
**One month later**  


“Damian and my grandma are seriously cooking together?” Luke laughs delightedly.

“Yep. I’m a little concerned that Damian will be sleeping with the fishes by the time we get back. Emma’s good with a kitchen knife.”

“I can’t believe they’re throwing me a surprise party. And I can’t believe you _told_ me.”

Reid turns onto the highway. “Ugh, parties are torturous enough as it is, let alone when they’re sprung on you. It’s your first day out of rehab; you need time to readjust. But the Snyders are nothing if not persistent. Not to mention Ms. Walsh. I insisted on immediate family only, and I’m kicking them out as soon as lunch is done. You need to rest.”

Luke smiles. “I feel great.”

“You look great.”

“So do you. Even better than last week.” During their nightly ten-minute phone calls, Reid complained frequently about Tony’s physio schedule, while conceding that he was recovering rapidly. “It’s almost like…nothing ever happened.”

Reid smiles softly. “Almost.”

They’re quiet for a few minutes, watching the snow-patched landscape go by.

“Sure you’re feeling okay?” Reid asks.

“Yep. Side effects aren’t too bad. After the first week of constant nausea and shakes, it’s just been a little dry mouth, and I get tired. But I’ve been tired for a long time now. I feel better than I have since…” He trails off. “Anyway, this is only temporary while I’m on the drug protocol. Dr. Rhodes said I’ve made great progress, which you already know, since you’ve harassed her every second day.”

“Have to keep on top of things. Make sure nothing slips through the cracks. I’m a patient advocate, Luke.”

Luke chuckles. That wasn’t the name Dr. Rhodes used. “But as long as I don’t drink, I’ll be okay. And I won’t.”

“I know.”

At the thought of drinking, Luke closes his eyes and does his mental exercises, breathing deeply and overcoming the craving. He exhales and opens his eyes, feeling peaceful and strong. Reaching over, he runs his hand slowly through Reid’s growing curls. “You look like you did when we met.”

Leaning into his touch, Reid breathes deeply. “Keep that up and I’m going to have to pull over in one of these fields.”

They’d kissed briefly by the front door of the rehab centre, and Luke has been itching to touch Reid since they’ve been in the car. “And that would be bad because...?”

“We should go slowly. You’re still taking a lot of medication, and you shouldn’t exert yourself too much.”

“Right.”

“Right.”

Luke’s hand drops to Reid’s thigh, and he inches towards Reid’s cock. “Best to go slowly.”

With a glance over his shoulder, Reid changes lanes and slows as he pulls onto the shoulder and travels onto the grass, Luke’s car bumping over some dips on the rolling field. Most of the snow melted during a warm spell the week before, but the tires spin a bit in the wet mush.

Once they’ve clambered into the backseat, they kiss and rub against each other, breathing harshly. Luke presses Reid down against the leather, fumbling for the zippers on their jeans. Reid groans as Luke holds their cocks together in his hand, stroking roughly.

“Jesus, I missed you.” Reid pulls Luke’s head down for another kiss.

Luke thrusts his hips, rocking back and forth on Reid’s lap, squeezing their cocks together. “Me, too. I missed you so much.”

They’re both leaking already, cocks hard and hot in Luke’s hand. They rut together like they did the first night in front of the fireplace, and Luke kisses Reid roughly, gasping into his mouth as the pleasure spreads through his limbs.

Reid moans and slides his hand down the back of Luke’s jeans. He pushes the tip of his finger inside, and Luke comes with a cry. As Luke shudders, he continues stroking Reid, spreading his wet seed over Reid’s cock. Reid’s hips lift as he seeks his own release, and Luke wriggles back until he can lean down. He swallows Reid, tasting himself as he sucks on Reid’s dick.

He runs his tongue up and down the thick vein on the underside of Reid’s cock, and then Reid’s pulsing into Luke’s mouth, and Luke swallows as much as he can. He sucks gently on the tip, kissing it and pushing his tongue into the slit. Reid exhales slowly, hands gentle in Luke’s hair. “You’re so good, Luke.”

Luke kisses Reid, warm and pliant and _real_ beneath him, and wishes they could go straight to bed.

*

“Just when you think it’s over.”

Luke turns from the window and the view of snow falling steadily, covering the trees and ice once more. He smiles at Reid standing in the doorway of the bedroom. “Yeah, welcome to winter in Illinois. Texas was probably a little warmer, huh?”

Reid holds up his fingers. “Just a tad.” He nods towards the stairs. “Everyone’s getting ready to go. Don’t want to get stuck in the snow. You okay?”

“Yeah. I just needed a minute. I’m good.” Luke hadn’t expected it at all, but seeing his family again has been a bit overwhelming. He missed them all terribly, but after the reflection and solitude of rehab, it’s a lot to take in. “So, the security guys are gone?”

“Yep. Damian assures me that Invicta will not come knocking. And he seems to have scared off the media, too. Told them my supposed death was all a misunderstanding, and that I would be doing interviews never. He’s very persuasive.”

“That he is,” Luke chuckles.

Reid holds out his hand. “Come on.”

Downstairs, Holden and Lily are corralling the kids by the door, zipping up coats and putting on boots. Ethan barrels over and hugs Luke’s legs. “Bye, Luke. I miss you.”

Luke bends over and hugs his brother tightly, swallowing the sudden lump in his throat. “I’ll see you soon, buddy.”

Ethan peers up at Reid for a long moment, the silence stretching out until Reid smiles and awkwardly pats Ethan’s head. “Bye. Buddy.”

Ethan speaks in a rush, still peering up at Reid. “CanIaskyousomething?”

“Sure.”

“Are you a zombie? My friend Tommy says you are.”

Lily gasps. “Ethan! That’s ridiculous. Apologize right now to Reid.”

“No, no. No need for apologies. Ethan, tell Tommy I’ll be over tonight to eat his brains.”

Faith and Natalie giggle as they hug Luke in turn. They wave to Reid and take Ethan outside. Lily and Holden say their goodbyes, hugging Luke tightly. Holden claps Reid on the shoulder and Lily kisses his cheek. Emma follows suit, and they bustle out to the car, waving and saying that they’ll see them soon as Lucinda and John finish buttoning their coats.

“Well, darling. It’s wonderful to have you home. And I expect to be seeing more of you in Oakdale. No hiding out here at your fortress of solitude, you hear me?”

“Yes, Grandmother. Bonus points for the _Superman_ reference.”

“Well, you know me. I’m _hip_ , sweetie! I’m hip.” She turns to Reid and kisses both his cheeks. “We’ll do lunch soon.” She kisses Luke. “Both of you.”

John nods to Reid. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Ten a.m.”

“I’ll be there.”

Luke squeezes Reid’s elbow. “Are you going back to work? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We’ll talk about it this afternoon.”

“Okay.” Luke is puzzled by Reid’s muted reaction, and he tries to bat away the unease that returns so easily.

Damian appears from the kitchen as John and Lucinda leave. He smiles widely. “Well, we were all able to have lunch without one argument. This is a historic day, Luciano.”

Reid heads to the kitchen. “I’m going to start on the dishes.”

When they’re alone, Luke smiles at his father. “Thanks. For being on your best behaviour, even when Grandmother provoked you.”

“It was a challenge, but anything for you, Luciano.” He glances towards the window. “I should leave as well, before the roads are too bad.”

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“I’m afraid I do. I’ve neglected the company for some time now. I need to make a trip to Malta to see that everything’s in order. And then, if it’s all right with you, I was planning on returning. I’ll need to travel to Europe fairly often, but I want to make my home in Oakdale.”

Tears prickle Luke's eyes. “I’d like that. Just promise me you won’t…mess it up.”

“I promise, Luciano.” Damian steps close and takes Luke’s face in his hands. “I promise.”

“ _Ti voglio bene, papà._ ”

Damian sucks in a breath as tears slip down his cheeks. He hugs Luke to him tightly. “I love you too, my son.” They hold each other for a long moment, and Damian presses a kiss to Luke’s head.

“Are you done with the big emotional goodbye?” Reid calls from the kitchen.

Luke and Damian step away from each other, laughing. “Yes. It’s safe now,” Luke calls back.

When Reid returns, Damian extends his hand to him. “It has been a pleasure getting to know you. I’ve enjoyed our conversations very much. I’m very happy my son has you in his life. _Stammi bene_.”

“ _Anche tu. A presto._ ” After a moment of hesitation, Reid pulls Damian into a quick hug. He pats Damian’s back clumsily and steps back. “And thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. And for Luke.”

Damian smiles. “That’s what family is for.”

As Luke stands by the door a few minutes later, listening to the engine of Damian’s car fade into the distance, he leans back in Reid’s arms contentedly. “So, what was John talking about?”

Reid kisses Luke’s cheek. “Let’s finish the dishes, and then I’ll explain.”

Luke turns as fluttering returns to the pit of his stomach. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“Let’s sit down and—”

“ _No_. Tell me now. Are you sick? You said Damian got the records from Invicta and you know what they did to your brain, and that it’s okay. That you’re okay.” Luke’s heart thumps painfully as the words spill out.

“Yes. That’s true. But the fact remains that this heart is a prototype.”

“Mona said—”

“I know what she said. And John and I have discussed it. I’m going in for surgery and—”

“Surgery? Is something wrong? Does John think something’s wrong?” _Oh, God. No, no, no._

Reid grasps Luke’s hands. “Luke, please. Listen to me. John’s just going to have a look. He’s going to use a small camera, which is far less invasive than open-heart surgery. He’ll make several incisions in my chest and inspect the heart.”

“And it’s not dangerous, right?”

“There’s always risk associated with any kind of surgery. Anytime a patient is—”

“Please stop with the doctor talk. Just tell me you’ll be okay.”

Reid smiles gently, squeezing Luke’s hands. “I’ll be okay. We’ve already done some heart function tests. Everything’s come back normal. Above average, even. This is the last step.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about any of this?”

“I didn’t want you to worry. I wanted you to focus on your own recovery.” He brushes back Luke’s hair. “You’re doing so well. I’m proud of you.”

Luke snorts. “I’ve been out of rehab for less than a day.”

Reid takes Luke’s face in his hands. “ _I’m proud of you._ ”

After a moment, Luke nods. “I’m proud of you too. So, no more ‘managing our expectations’?”

Reid shakes his head. “When you got sick, it made me so angry. I felt powerless again, like I was back in that basement. And I’m better than that. I’ll be damned if I let what happened make me doubt myself. I’m going to live, and I’m going to be the best neurosurgeon in the world. Again.”

“Damn right you are.”

Luke’s pulse races as adrenaline and excitement surge in his veins. _Neither of them will be powerless again._ He kisses Reid, and then they’re tearing at each other’s clothes as they stumble up the stairs.

The paper bag filled with lube still sits on the bedside table, and as Reid yanks out a tube and kicks off his jeans, Luke strips off the rest of his clothes. “In Dallas, after the bull, and after you kissed me — I dreamed about you that night.”

Reid kisses him. “Yeah? What did you dream?”

Luke strokes himself as he steps backward towards the bed. “That you were fucking me.” He climbs onto the bed and gets on his hands and knees. “Like this. Pounding me with your big cock, making me yours.”

Reid practically growls as he crawls behind Luke on the bed. His slick fingers push into Luke as he leans over and sucks hard on the side of Luke’s neck, nipping with his teeth. Reid’s cock soon replaces his fingers, and he thrusts into Luke.

Luke moans as Reid fills him. “Yes. Fuck me hard. _Hard_.”

Reid’s fingers dig into Luke’s hips as he slams into him. Luke’s stretched so wide, and he spreads his knees and pushes back, taking Reid as far as he can go. Reid’s hips snap as he drives into Luke, finding just the right spot. “God, I love you,” Reid mutters under his ragged breath.

Luke is panting, the pleasure radiating out, his cock leaking as Reid thrusts into him. Luke feels _alive_ in every cell of his body, and he moans Reid’s name, squeezing his inner muscles and making Reid gasp. Reid reaches around to jerk Luke’s cock in time with the motion of his hips.

“Yes. _Yes_. Right there.” Luke cries out as Reid hits his prostate, and as he does it again, Luke’s cock spurts and he shudders with his release, the pleasure pure and all-encompassing. Reid grunts and slams in again, and then he’s coming, hot and wet, deep inside Luke.

They collapse to the bed, chests heaving. Luke can feel Reid’s heart pounding against his back, strong and powerful. Reid kisses the back of Luke’s neck, his fingers running through Luke’s hair. “For the record, I want to hear about every single dream or fantasy you’ve ever had about me. No detail too small.”

Luke laughs. “My therapist said I should get in touch with my feelings and desires and make sure they’re known. Not to keep them bottled up and tell people what I think they want to hear.”

“Well, I definitely want to hear more. You’re even hotter than usual when you talk like that.” He bites Luke’s earlobe playfully before pulling out gently and rolling over. He caresses Luke’s back. “You can always be honest. About anything. You know that, right?”

“I know. And you don’t have to worry about me being…fragile or something. You can tell me what’s going on. Deal?”

Reid kisses him tenderly. “Deal.”

The alarm on Luke’s cell phone beeps from the pocket of his discarded jeans, and he sighs. “Need to take my midday pills.” Although all he wants to do is fall into a nap, sated and heavy limbed, he forces himself to his feet. His suitcase is where he left it by the bedroom door, and he digs out his one-man pharmacy.

As he flicks on the bathroom light, he remembers with a pang the blue glass scattered all over the floor. Then he notices two new glasses on the counter, one on each side. They’re clear, with a pattern of frosted blue fish and underwater creatures around the middle.

“Mine’s on the left. Same with my toothbrush.” Reid stands in the bathroom doorway. “Is that okay? I like being on the left.”

A swell of love warms Luke’s chest as he nods. “Yeah. That’s okay.” He lines up the capsules on the counter and fills his new glass. He swallows the pills in turn, counting his blessings.

*

Reid stirs slightly, not quite awake yet, but getting there. Luke watches him carefully, eager for Reid to open his eyes again. The anesthetic is wearing off, and Luke taps his foot against the linoleum while he waits.

John assured him the surgery went well, although it seemed to Luke to take hours. After tiring himself out with pacing the length of the waiting room, he closed his eyes for his breathing exercises. The waft of his mother’s perfume preceded her soft hand covering his. Luke told her she didn’t have to wait with him, but she’d just handed him a coffee and settled down into the adjacent chair. Sometimes his mother gets it exactly right, and he’d leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Moaning softly, Reid opens his eyes. For a moment, he seems to panic, and his eyes widen as he goes rigid. Luke quickly takes his hand. “Hey. I’m here. You’re okay. You’re at Memorial.” He caresses Reid’s face as he squeezes his fingers. “You’re safe.”

As Reid focuses on Luke, he visibly relaxes. He exhales and clears his throat. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Luke smiles, and lifts Reid’s hand to his lips, kissing it. “Should I get John?”

“Not yet.” Reid’s eyelids droop, and he zones in and out for a little while. By the time John does come, Reid is much more awake, and he asks Luke to raise the bed so he can sit up.

Luke’s foot taps rapidly once more, and he clasps his hands in his lap to stop himself from fidgeting as John closes the door behind him and flips open Reid’s chart. “Well, the good news is…there isn’t any bad news. I took a close look at the heart, and I have to tell you, it’s quite a marvel. I’ve never seen a transplanted organ grafted so completely onto a host body. It’s like it was the heart you were born with, Reid. It’s truly remarkable. And judging by what I’ve seen from the tests we’ve run, I see absolutely no reason this heart won’t last you the next fifty years.”

Breathing out slowly, Luke closes his eyes for a moment as the relief soars through him. When he opens his eyes, Reid is smiling — no, _grinning_ — and Luke grins back. “Well, I guess we should start looking for a house closer to the hospital, Dr. Oliver.”

Reid nods, still smiling widely. “I guess so.” To John he asks, “When can I start?”

“How about you give yourself two weeks to fully recover from the procedure. In the meantime we’ll fill out the paperwork and I’ll fill you in on the changes I’ve made. The new wing will almost be ready to open, and I’d love to have you up to speed by then.” John extends his hand to Reid. “Welcome back to Oakdale Memorial, Dr. Oliver.”

*

More flakes drift down over the lake, and the snow-capped trees are almost bright in the moonlight. Luke stands by the window in the bedroom, watching the silent world. He can hear Reid in the closet, rooting around. “What are you looking for?”

Reid’s voice is muffled. “My stethoscope. Did you ever see it after the accident?”

“Oh! I completely forgot. It’s in the bedside table.”

Reid emerges from the closet. “Good. I’ve had that since med school and—” He stops, staring into the now-open drawer. Instead of the stethoscope, he removes the chess piece. Staring at it, he sits on the side of the bed. “Where did you get this?”

“Your uncle.” Luke comes to sit beside Reid.

“You met him?” Reid’s gaze is zeroed in on the knight, and he turns it over in his fingers, touching the grooves of the carved wood.

“No. My parents did. They got him to sign the release for…for you. Except it wasn’t you at all.”

“And he gave this to them?”

“Yeah. He carried it in his pocket.”

At this, Reid takes a sharp breath. “I haven’t seen him in years. I didn’t think…”

“Maybe we should go visit him. Give him a second chance.” Reid has never spoken of his relationship with his uncle, and Luke hasn’t wanted to push.

Reid closes his fist over the knight. “Maybe. Once I know…”

Luke rubs Reid’s back through his t-shirt. “What?”

“Once I know that I can really be a doctor again. That I can really be…me.”

“You can. You _will_. You said your memory’s gotten much better.”

“It has. I’m just…”

“Worried about tomorrow? It’s your first day. Of course you’re nervous. But you’re going to pick it back up in no time.”

Reid smiles, catching Luke’s eye. “Like riding a bike, huh?”

“Exactly.” He leans into Reid, nudging his shoulder. “Get your books and I’ll quiz you.”

Reid chuckles. “Okay.” He turns the chess piece over again in his fingers. After a moment, he places it carefully back inside the drawer and closes it.

*

Luke isn’t sure what time it is when he wakes in the night. As he rolls over to snuggle into Reid and go back to sleep, some instinct tells him Reid is awake and tense beside him. Blinking blearily, Luke caresses Reid’s chest. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Reid opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling. “Dunno.”

“Don’t be scared.”

“I’m not scared.” Reid’s response seems automatic, and he smiles softly. “Well, maybe a little.”

“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone.” Luke kisses him lightly. “I’m scared sometimes, too,” he whispers.

Reid’s fingers tangle in Luke’s hair as he kisses him, his tongue sliding into Luke’s mouth as he turns to face him. Reid pulls back, taking a shuddering breath. “What if it’s not the same?”

“It’ll be _better_. You’ll be better.”

Their hands wander, touching and caressing under their pyjamas as they kiss again. “Need you,” Reid murmurs. “I want you in me.”

The building desire coursing through Luke’s body blazes, and he rolls onto Reid, pressing their bodies together from head to toe. “You sure? You want me to…?”

Reid nods, and Luke pushes aside the self-doubt as he reaches for the lube. _Reid needs him._

They shimmy out of their pyjamas, kissing and touching with hands and mouths. Reid spreads his legs wide, opening himself up, and he’s so vulnerable and trusting. Kneeling, Luke works his fingers into Reid’s hole, stretching him gently, taking his time. Their gaze is locked together, and Luke smiles as he leans over Reid to kiss him. His lips trail down Reid’s body as his fingers open him.

When Reid is rolling his hips and making small, needy sounds in his throat, Luke lifts Reid’s legs. As he pushes his slicked cock inside, Reid moans and his fingers grab at Luke’s back. He’s so tight, and it’s an incredible sensation around Luke’s dick. Luke has to stop and breathe so he doesn’t come already. The thought alone of being inside Reid like this is heady, never mind the fiery heat of him.

Reid mutters Luke’s name as Luke thrusts all the way into him. He moves gently in and out with shallow movements, letting Reid adjust, remembering what it feels like when Reid is inside him, stretching him. Reid closes his eyes, his head falling back as they rock together. He pants quietly, lips parted. “You’re so beautiful,” Luke murmurs.

Squeezing one hand around Reid’s hard cock, Luke strokes it lightly, his fingertips reaching down to tease Reid’s balls. Reid tenses around him, moaning, and he bucks up, urging Luke deeper inside him. As Luke increases the tempo, driving in faster, his orgasm starts to build, the sweet pressure of Reid’s ass tight around him.

Sweat beads on their skin as they strive together, and it’s salty on Luke’s tongue as he licks Reid’s neck. He wants to make sure Reid gets off first, so he jerks Reid’s cock harder as he angles his hips and tries to find just the right spot inside him. When he does, Reid cries out, and Luke repeats the movement. “Look at me,” he commands.

Reid does, and Luke thrusts against his prostate again, his fist still tight around Reid’s cock. “You’re the best neurosurgeon in the world.”

The warmth of Reid’s semen flows over Luke’s hand and Reid shakes, his cries echoing in the rafters. Luke buries himself deeply and comes, his muscles shaking as he empties. Gasping for breath, he presses open-mouthed kisses to Reid’s shoulder and neck as the intense pleasure ebbs.

They kiss softly, rubbing their noses together as Luke eases out and they settle into each other’s arms. Luke’s fingers are sticky, and he sucks each one slowly in turn, savouring the taste of Reid. Reid kisses him when he’s finished, and they sigh sleepily.

Reid’s eyes drift shut, and soon he’s snoring lightly. Watching the moon through the window, Luke brushes his fingers up and down Reid’s spine. Before long, Reid is drooling against Luke’s neck, and one of Luke’s legs is slightly numb where Reid is draped over him. Utterly content, he holds Reid closer.

*

The hospital bustles with its usual activity and Luke smiles and nods at various people who rush by in the hallway. After a morning of telling himself repeatedly that Reid is fine, Luke finds himself near the nurses’ station on the surgical floor. He spots Reid by the lounge, and watches as he studies a chart. Reid’s wearing his favourite uniform of scrubs and long-sleeved shirt, his stethoscope slung around his neck. Luke can almost believe that it was all a bad dream, and that Reid’s been here the whole time.

Two nurses whisper and stare as they walk by Reid, and without looking at them, Reid says something that makes them scurry away at a near run. Luke turns when he hears a chuckle beside him. “Bob? What are you doing here?”

“Same thing as you, I imagine. It’s good to see you, Luke.” Bob squeezes Luke’s shoulder affectionately, and they share a smile. He glances over at Reid, watching him with a fatherly fondness. “He’s back.”

“Yeah. He is.” Luke grins, and waves as Reid spots them.

Reid strides over, an air of confidence and exhilaration about him. He presses a quick kiss to Luke’s lips. “You held out longer than I expected.” He turns to Bob and shakes his hand. “Good to see you, Bob. You know you need to do something about that sign on the new wing. Or I’ll take a crowbar to it myself and pry off the ‘memorial’ part.”

Bob laughs. “Don’t worry, they’re coming tomorrow to fix it before our grand opening on Thursday. I presume you’ll be the guest of honour.”

“Of course. Who else?” Reid glances over at a few of the hospital staff, who have stopped to whisper and stare. “Reports of my demise were greatly exaggerated. Now get back to work or I’ll have you fired.”

“And to think I feared this experience would soften you too much.” Bob laughs, shaking his head. “Good to have you back, Reid. Now you’ll have to excuse me, or I’ll be late for lunch with Kim, and heads will roll. See you both on Thursday.”

As Bob leaves, Gretchen approaches cautiously. “Dr. Oliver?”

“Yes. Do you see…” Reid seems to rethink the rest of his sentence. “What is it?”

“Uh, Dr. Rogers asked if you could give a quick consult. The room’s just around the corner.” She smiles shyly at Luke. “How are you feeling? You look very well.”

“I’m doing great. Thanks, Gretchen. It’s nice to see you. And I’m sure Reid will be happy to go lend his expertise. Why don’t you walk with him? I bet he’d like the company.”

Gretchen smiles nervously. “Of course.”

Reid rolls his eyes and heads down the hall, Gretchen trailing behind in his wake. He calls over his shoulder to Luke. “Stay here. I’ll be back in a minute.”

While he waits, Luke checks a new message on his cell from the realtor arranging the purchase of their new house near Old Town. It’s only minutes from the hospital, but is on a quiet, tree-lined cul-de-sac. Not quite as peaceful as the lake house, and Luke feels a pang at leaving it. But they’ll spend weekends and holidays there, and he looks forward to swimming in the lake when summer comes.

When the message ends, he erases it, and then the computerized voice speaks. “ _One saved message. Listen to message, press one. To erase, press seven. To save, press nine._ ”

Luke doesn’t need to listen to know which message it is, since he’s been saving it repeatedly for almost two months. He experiences a strange panic at the thought of erasing it, even though he has Reid, flesh and bone and warmth and strength, to hang onto now.

_Find me._

“Luke?”

He looks up to find Reid watching him. “Hey.” Luke smiles and holds up the phone. “Realtor called. We can close tomorrow and sign the papers.”

“So you came down here to tell me that?” Reid teases.

“No. I came down here to check on you,” Luke laughs. “And to visit my new therapist. There’s an AA meeting next door in a couple hours, too. I’m going to check it out.”

“Sounds good. My shift’s short today. Meet me when it’s over? If you stick around, we can go for dinner before we drive home.”

“Are you asking me on a date, Dr. Oliver?”

Reid grins. “I am, Mr. Snyder. There’s a fancy French place over on Tremont. Candles and violin music and _crème brûlée_. How about it?”

Luke presses his lips to Reid’s and takes his hand, threading their fingers together. “I’ll be here.”

They kiss again, and Reid’s pager sounds. He glances at it, eyes bright. “Duty calls.”

Luke waves, and watches Reid practically run to the stairwell that leads down to the ER. Luke's phone is still in his hand, and he redials his voice mail, not needing to wait to hear the options again. With his thumb, he carefully presses the number seven.

_Fin_

 

[Sequel: If the Fates Allow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/950837)


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